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some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things, but others don't like to do so. According to my point of view, I think the first one is better than latter one for many reasons. By trying new things we gain knowledge, experience and will habituate v.1

some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things, but others don't like to do so. According to my point of view, I think the first one is better than latter one for many reasons. By trying new things we gain knowledge, experience and will habituate v. 1
Nowadays people are more eager to learn and grow. People want to go higher studies, but due lack of time they are trying are going for distance learning programs. Although, these courses help them to learn along with their job, but they cannot get the right kind of exposure. People have become very ambitious and no one wants to leave their job. They believe that rather than, spending two years in college or any university, it’s better to go for these programs. This kind of approach will not only help them in learning a new course, but will be very beneficial from their career point of view. Firstly, while working you can easily pay for your higher studies, you don’t need to be dependent for financial help of anyone. For example, a person who works in one of the best multinational company parallel studies MBA from distance program. And once he will finish the course, will soon promote to regional manager post without taking breaks from work. On the other hand, some people think attending college is a better option than pursuing the distance program. Although, one need to take breaks from work life, but gets a better opportunity to grow academically and professionally. Firstly, you meet people coming from different backgrounds and culture along with different skills and talent. For example, if a student from a Korean country can help others learn this language. Similarly, this goes for students from countries like France, Spain, Germany or Japan. To conclude, I would say the job is important for survival, but not at the cost of the personal growth. Undoubtedly, time is very crucial and should be invested in my right things. People who do not attend regular classes, will never get practical knowledge. These colleges not only help you basic educate, but let you understand how the industry works.
Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more eager to learn and grow.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
want to go higher studies,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due lack of time they are trying are going for distance learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. Although, these courses
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them to learn along with their job,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the right kind of exposure.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ambitious and no one wants to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their job. They believe that
rather
than, spending two years in college or any university, it’s better to go for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
. This kind of approach will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them in learning a new course,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial from their career point of view.
Firstly
, while working you can
easily
pay for your higher studies, you don’t need to be dependent for financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of anyone.
For example
, a person who works in one of the best multinational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
parallel studies MBA from distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. And once he will finish the course, will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
promote to regional manager post without taking breaks from work.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
attending college is a better option than pursuing the distance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
. Although, one need to take breaks from work life,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
a better opportunity to grow
academically
and
professionally
.
Firstly
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
coming from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds and culture along with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and talent.
For example
, if a student from a Korean country can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others learn this language.
Similarly
, this goes for students from countries like France, Spain, Germany or Japan.

To conclude
, I would say the job is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for survival,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not at the cost of the personal growth.
Undoubtedly
, time is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
crucial and should
be invested
in my right things.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who do not attend regular classes, will never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
practical knowledge. These colleges not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you basic educate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
you understand how the industry works.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people enjoy taking risks and trying new things, but others don't like to do so. According to my point of view, I think the first one is better than latter one for many reasons. By trying new things we gain knowledge, experience and will habituate v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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