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TPO8 #1- Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Describe how the person helped you. Then explain why this was important to you. v.1

TPO8 #1- Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Describe how the person helped you. Then explain why this was important to you. v. 1
Large amounts of money spent on advertising of the product encourages people to purchase them. This has tremendously affected the local business resulting in less sales. This can be controlled a number of ways as discussed below. The heavy investments on marketing of various products makes them tempting for people so they purchase the product without looking at its price. This has resulted in general public becoming extremely brand conscious and increased imports of these foreign products. The increased imports may affect the economy of government and generalised price hike. Moreover, the availability and marketing of these international products have resulted in reduced sales of local products which more or less have the same properties and effects, but due to lack of advertisements people are not convinced to purchase them. This may affect the local business and reduced sales and may eventually culminate in the closure of factories and industries in an area. This may adversely affect the economy of a country. People should be encouraged to buy local products and it can be done in a number of ways. The governments` tax on advertisements of local products may be reduced as marketing plays a key role in convincing people to purchase it. Hence, even with a small budget on marketing, products can be made popular. Moreover, the rulers should increase tax on import of such products, making them inaccessible to the general public so the local products will be utilised better. In addition, the locally synthesized consumer products should improve quality to make them compatible with international brands. For example, this has been done in some developing countries with varying degrees of success who have a quality assurance team on government level. This team conducts inspection of factories and industries and ensure best quality. In conclusion, people should be encouraged to consume local products as their sales play an important part in the prosperity of a country.
Large amounts of money spent on advertising of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
encourages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
them. This has
tremendously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
business resulting in less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
. This can
be controlled
a number of ways as discussed below.

The heavy investments on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
of various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them tempting for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
without looking at its price. This has resulted in
Consider using "public".
general public
becoming
extremely
brand conscious and increased imports of these foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. The increased imports may affect the economy of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'generalised' is British English.
generalised
price hike.
Moreover
, the availability and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
of these international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have resulted in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which more or less have the same properties and effects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to lack of advertisements
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not convinced to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
them. This may affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
business and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
and may
eventually
culminate in the closure of factories and industries in an area. This may
adversely
affect the economy of a country.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
should
be encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and it can
be done
in a number of ways. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
` tax on advertisements of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
plays a key role in convincing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
purchase
it.
Hence
, even with a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
budget on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
marketing
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
can
be made
popular.
Moreover
, the rulers should increase tax on import of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, making them inaccessible to the
Consider using "public".
general public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
will be
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
better.
In addition
, the
locally
synthesized consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
quality to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them compatible with international brands.
For example
, this has
been done
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
with varying degrees of success who have a quality assurance team on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
level. This team conducts inspection of factories and industries and
A determiner is probably missing here: "ensure the best".
ensure best
quality.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to consume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sales
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part in the prosperity of a country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A special kind of beauty exists which is born in language, of language, and for language.
Gaston Bachelard

IELTS essay TPO8 #1- Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Describe how the person helped you. Then explain why this was important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
318 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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