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Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Explain how they helped and why it was improtant for you. v.2

Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Explain how they helped and why it was improtant for you. v. 2
In today’s world, interpersonal skills have become as important as technical knowledge and experience. But, it is found that nowadays, youngsters lack basic co-operative skills at work which impedes the growth of both the employee as well as the employer. It is observed that there are two main causes of this problem, firstly, a lack of training at school level and secondly low social interaction. This essay will discuss these issues and suggest two main solutions to these problems. To begin with, there is no training provided at the university level to train young people in improving their communication skills. Focus on technical subjects and the pressure to score the highest marks in exams are given higher importance than communication. For instance, in the majority of the schools, effective communication skills, is an optional subject and there is no practical training provided. Similarly, social interaction of the young population is now limited to social media websites and they enjoy their time more on gadgets than meeting and interacting with friends in social gatherings. To solve these issues, educational institutions must include vocational training on improving communication skills and the younger generation should focus on spending more time with family and friends rather than on TV and Computer screens. This will help them in fostering strong relationships with other people. Also, such interactions help in improving problem-solving skills. To exemplify, a study conducted by the University of California in their newsletter published an article which concluded that “the current generation cannot solve complex relationship issues as compared to their parents mainly because of low human interaction between youngsters nowadays". In conclusion, businesses these days require young talent to be equipped with both technical and interpersonal skills for mutual benefit. This essay discussed that the main reasons were inappropriate methods to teach cooperative skills and limited social life of the adolescents, but it can be improved by adopting vocational training courses at school level and spending less time on the blue screen and more time with friends and family.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world, interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
have become as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
as technical knowledge and experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it
is found
that nowadays, youngsters lack basic co-operative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
at work which impedes the growth of both the employee
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
the employer. It
is observed
that there are two main causes of this problem,
firstly
, a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
at school level and
secondly
low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
. This essay will discuss these issues and suggest two main solutions to these problems.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
provided at the university level to train young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in improving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. Focus on technical subjects and the pressure to score the highest marks in exams are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
higher importance than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
.
For instance
, in the majority of the schools, effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, is an optional subject and there is no practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
provided.
Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
of the young population is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
limited to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
media
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
websites and
they enjoy their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more on gadgets than meeting and interacting with friends in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
gatherings.

To solve these issues, educational institutions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
include vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
on improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and the younger generation should focus on spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with family and friends
rather
than on TV and Computer screens. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in fostering strong relationships with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Also
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interactions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in improving problem-solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. To exemplify, a study conducted by the University of California in their newsletter published an article which concluded that “the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
generation cannot solve complex relationship issues as compared to their parents
mainly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of low human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interaction
between youngsters nowadays
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
.

In conclusion
, businesses these days require young talent to
be equipped
with both technical and interpersonal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for mutual benefit. This essay discussed that the main reasons were inappropriate methods to teach cooperative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and limited
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
social
life of the adolescents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
by adopting vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
courses at school level and spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the blue screen and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with friends and family.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Explain how they helped and why it was improtant for you. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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