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TPO8-Q1: Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Describe how the person helped you. Then explain why this was important to you. v.1

TPO8-Q1: Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Describe how the person helped you. Then explain why this was important to you. v. 1
It is considered by some that children should learn to use a sense of competition, for the reason that this is a method to prepare individuals for the real world, which is exigent. Conversely, others think that students who are taught to co-operate will be a more useful adults. In my opinon, the new generation is more aware about to help other people, so this is the moment for doing a change to encourage children to used the coperation. The last generation was concerned about obtain material wealths, which was possible to get with a high level of ambition. This feeling has as consequence that people become so competitive, which as a result a selfish and individualistic society. Likewise, this behaviour has a bad influence in the health’s people, because produce stress, which can create other illness such as hearth attack or stomach problems. For the previously, I disagree with children encourage to have a sense of competition. On the other hand, millennials have had a change of mentality which envolve to be more cooperative what have had great results. For example, the new generation is worried about their personal developed, which is cultivated though of help, solidarity and cooperation. Those feelings have a positive input in our, due to the level of happiness is higher. For this reason, I think that is a good option to learn since childhood to be more cooperative. In conclusion, there are two positions about to teach a behaviour in children. I agree with encourage to attitudes such as help and solidarity, because in my opinion a cooperative society has a more advance than a competitive one.
It
is considered
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should learn to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a sense of competition, for the reason that this is a method to prepare individuals for the real world, which is exigent.
Conversely
, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that students who
are taught
to co-operate will be a more useful adults. In my
Possible spelling mistake found.
opinon
, the new generation is more aware about to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this is the moment for doing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the
Possible spelling mistake found.
coperation
.

The last generation
was concerned
about obtain material
Possible spelling mistake found.
wealths
, which was possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
with a high level of ambition. This feeling has as consequence that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
competitive, which
as a result
a selfish and individualistic society.
Likewise
, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence in the health’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
produce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
, which can create
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
illness such as hearth attack or stomach problems. For the previously, I disagree with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
encourage to have a sense of competition.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, millennials have had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
of mentality which
Possible spelling mistake found.
envolve
to be more cooperative what have had great results.
For example
, the new generation
is worried
about their personal developed, which
is cultivated
though of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, solidarity and cooperation. Those feelings have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
input in our, due to the level of happiness is higher.
For this reason
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that is
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
option to learn since childhood to be more cooperative.

In conclusion
, there are two positions about to teach a
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with encourage to attitudes such as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and solidarity,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in my opinion a cooperative society has a more advance than a competitive one.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay TPO8-Q1: Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Describe how the person helped you. Then explain why this was important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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