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tpo7. task1. Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Describe how the person helped you. Then explain why this was important to you. v.1

tpo7. task1. Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Describe how the person helped you. Then explain why this was important to you. v. 1
In the fast growing world, public figures are earning more money than the government politicians. Moreover, the people are most interested in encouraging cinema, tv shows and the interest in the common shows which got increased a lot in the last few years. This rise, made the actor/actress to earn more money than the government representatives. In my opinion, I believe this rise is definitely going to create a negative development of the society. On one hand, since movies are getting released frequently, young kids and students shows interest in watching them rather than focusing on their studies or some extra curricular activities. Additionally, they are getting addicted to the TV Shows, programs and they are more interested in going out for theatres rather than sitting in the home. For example, if a movie is getting released around thousands of people are ready to watch it by paying for the tickets. Moreover, in a year, almost fifty shows are getting released. Hence, the profit for the movie clubs are getting elevated and we, who is paying for the movie, are spending a lot to watch the shows. As a result, an Individual economy will be affected and the celebrities, fame and development is getting increased. On the other hand, most of the people start opening a fan club for them. This is one of the common mistake that we are doing. In addition to this normal people are keeping banners and promoting them by giving advertisements like posting posters, through newspapers and son on. However, all the movies are not delivered with a good social message and most of them are not needed for the culture. This creates a negative impact. To illustrate, the huge funds which are spent in these activities could be donated to a welfare organization or to some children educational funds. Thereby, our community will get improved. To conclude, we are the reason for the famous man to earn so much cash than compared to the government officials. This is not going to give any personal improvements to the society as well as for a normal man, and hence, these can be avoided as much as possible. By the way, it can be contributed to the needed, who is not even having the basic needs like food, shelter and clothes. Finally, I believe, increased shows are going to give only negatives To the overall nation.
In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
growing world, public figures are earning more money than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
politicians.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are most interested in encouraging cinema,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tv
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
and the interest in the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
increased a lot in the last few years. This rise, made the actor/actress to earn more money than the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
representatives. In my opinion, I believe this rise is definitely going to create a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development of the society.

On one hand, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are getting released
frequently
, young kids and students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
interest in watching them
rather
than focusing on their studies or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This word is normally spelled as one.
extra curricular
activities.
Additionally
, they are getting addicted to the TV
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Shows
,
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
programs and
they are more interested in going out for
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
rather
than sitting in the home.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
is getting released around thousands of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are ready to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
it by paying for the tickets.
Moreover
, in a year, almost fifty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are getting released.
Hence
, the profit for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
clubs are getting
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
elevated and
we, who is paying for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
, are spending a lot to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
As a result
, an Individual economy will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and the celebrities, fame and development is getting increased.

On the other hand
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
opening a fan club for them. This is one of the common mistake that we are doing.
In addition
to this normal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are keeping banners and promoting them by giving advertisements like posting posters, through newspapers and son on.
However
, all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
are not delivered with a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
social message and most of them are not needed for the culture. This creates a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact. To illustrate, the huge funds which
are spent
in these activities could
be donated
to a welfare organization or to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
children educational funds. Thereby, our community will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
.

To conclude
, we are the reason for the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
Use "(cash)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
cash
than compared to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
officials. This is not going to give any personal improvements to the society
as well
as for a normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
, and
hence
, these can
be avoided
as much as possible. By the way, it can
be contributed
to the needed, who is not even having the basic needs like food, shelter and clothes.
Finally
, I believe, increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
are going to give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
negatives

To the
overall
nation.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay tpo7. task1. Talk about a time when a friend or family member helped you in the past. Describe how the person helped you. Then explain why this was important to you. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
399 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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