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TPO6 Q6Using points and examples from the talk, explain the difference between active and passive attention. v.1

TPO6 Q6Using points and examples from the talk, explain the difference between active and passive attention. v. 1
People really like watching movies either at the cinemas or on their laptop. However, some people believe that watching movies is just a waste of time. In this essay, I shall give my personal opinion to oppose this statement. To begin with, people need to refresh their mind after they do the tiring work. By watching movies, they can relax a bit and get lost in the movie plot which can help them in recharging their energy. It also allows people to strengthen their relationship with friends and family. For example, so many couples and family go to the cinema at the weekend as a form of spending quality time with their beloved ones. I believe that sharing similar interest and doing activities together with family and friends can bring joy and happiness among society. Another example is teenagers may have different interest and knowledge regarding so many things with their parents. Thus, watching the same movie together can solve this generation gap issue and allow teenagers to share common movie-related topics with their parents. Second, watching movies is also the most effective way to learn new languages. For example, there are so many Indonesian teenagers who can speak fluently since they watch Korean dramas. I am certain that this method is more effective than in-class learning. It makes people learn new languages unconsciously. In conclusion, watching movies has several benefits, namely it can refresh our mind, make us closer to our friends and families, and allow us to learn new language effectively. I believe its benefits outweigh the drawbacks, so this activity cannot be considered as a waste of time.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
really
like watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
either at the cinemas or on their laptop.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a waste of time. In this essay, I shall give my personal opinion to oppose this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to refresh their mind after they do the tiring work. By watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, they can relax a bit and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lost in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
plot which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in recharging their energy. It
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to strengthen their relationship with friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
couples and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
go to the cinema at the weekend as a form of spending quality time with their beloved ones. I believe that sharing similar interest and doing activities together with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and friends can bring joy and happiness among society. Another example is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
may have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interest and knowledge regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things with their parents.
Thus
, watching the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
together can solve this generation gap issue and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to share common movie-related topics with their parents.

Second, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is
also
the most effective way to learn new languages.
For example
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Indonesian
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who can speak
fluently
since they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
Korean dramas. I am certain that this method is more effective than in-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
learning. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
learn new languages
unconsciously
.

In conclusion
, watching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
has several benefits,
namely
it can refresh our mind,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us closer to our friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
us to learn new language
effectively
. I believe its benefits outweigh the drawbacks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
this activity cannot
be considered
as a waste of time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO6 Q6Using points and examples from the talk, explain the difference between active and passive attention. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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