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TPO 22 - Q2(2Do you agree or disagree with the following statement. Children should be required to learn practical skills, such as cooking or personal finance, in addition to academic subjects. Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v.1

TPO 22 - Q2(2 Children should be required to learn practical skills, such as cooking or personal finance, in addition to academic subjects. Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v. 1
It is often argued that equal importance is given to core subjects, such as maths and science and traditional subjects, particularly at the early level of education. This essay agrees with this viewpoint because of the benefits it brings to students. Firstly, this essay will discuss why learning, arts is crucial at primary level and how these social skills are valued later in their life. The primary reason why music and art are considered essential is that it is the first way for young ones to express their thoughts and emotions. Before learning any language, a child learns through pictorial representation and they explicit this through their thought provoking ideas, thereby encouraging creativity. This is because arts present ideas and objects in interesting ways that allow these children enjoy thinking and creating images of their own. For example, my daughter has learned to point-out alphabets and numbers at very a early age before she could even speak a word. The second main reason how the arts are mandatory in developing the social skills that can be beneficial later on. By doing arts projects while learning is likely to develop their communicative skills along with academic competence, which boosts their chances in obtaining better career opportunities. To illustrate this, a study conducted in The Journal of Education reported that students who took part in activities such as music, arts and drama in school outperformed in their jobs. In conclusion, balancing the importance of both arts and science at the primary level help children learn to express themselves and excel in the development of social skills.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that equal importance is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to core subjects, such as
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science and traditional subjects,
particularly
at the early level of education. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this viewpoint
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the benefits it brings to students.
Firstly
, this essay will discuss why learning,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
is crucial at primary level and how these social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are valued
later in their life.

The primary reason why music and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
are considered
essential is that it is the
first
way for young ones to express their thoughts and emotions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Before
learning any language, a child learns through pictorial
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
representation and
they explicit this through their
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
thought provoking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, thereby encouraging creativity. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
present
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and objects in interesting ways that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
these children enjoy thinking and creating images of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
.
For example
, my daughter has learned to point-out alphabets and numbers at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
early age
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
she could even speak a word.

The second main reason how the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
are mandatory in developing the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that can be beneficial later on. By doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
projects while learning is likely to develop their communicative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
along with academic competence, which boosts their chances in obtaining better career opportunities. To illustrate this, a study conducted in The Journal of Education reported that students who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
took part
in activities such as music,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and drama in school outperformed in their jobs.

In conclusion
, balancing the importance of both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
and science at the primary level
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
children learn to express themselves and excel in the development of social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS essay TPO 22 - Q2(2 Children should be required to learn practical skills, such as cooking or personal finance, in addition to academic subjects. Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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