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Using points and examples from the talk, explain the difference between active and passive attention. v.1

Using points and examples from the talk, explain the difference between active and passive attention. v. 1
People have different opinions as to whether nations should allocate huge amounts of money for hosting international sports events. Personally, I believe that organizing such events has numerous beneficial impacts on a nation. Advocates of the former view might assert that spending on sporting events could hurt countries’ economies. Running such international competitions as the World Cup or UEFA Euro can saddle the host countries with debts. This is because the breakdown of the sum of fees includes enhancing the infrastructure and capacity of their stadiums, implementing higher levels of security, and hiring performance artists for opening and closing ceremonies. For example, South Africa spent billions of dollars hosting the 2010 World Cup and then drowned in debt. Instead, those budgets should have been expended in improving the standard of living, eliminating starvation, and creating a better life for their people. However, I support the view that nations might reap more of the benefits of hosting those sporting events. Firstly, there are more job opportunities during years of planning and investment, thus contributing to a decrease in unemployment and building a prolific workforce. Secondly, those events could create enthusiasm and excitement for hosting nations’ people. It is clear from this encouragement that it will help to promote their emotional well-being. Lastly, hosting those occasional events can provide an enormous boost to tourism in host countries. With stadiums thronged with sports supporters during the events, considerable numbers of souvenirs and tickets are sold, generating huge profits. In conclusion, I concur with the portion of people who holds that although hosting large sporting events can dig immensely into countries’ budgets, they, later on, benefit in terms of a myriad of employment opportunities and expenditure of foreign tourists who visit to watch the games.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether", or rephrase the sentence to avoid "as to".
as to whether
nations should allocate huge amounts of money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
international sports
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Personally
, I believe that organizing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
has numerous beneficial impacts on a nation.

Advocates of the former view might assert that spending on sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could hurt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
economies. Running such international competitions as the World Cup or UEFA Euro can saddle the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
with debts. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the breakdown of the sum of fees includes enhancing the infrastructure and capacity of their stadiums, implementing higher levels of security, and hiring performance artists for opening and closing ceremonies.
For example
, South Africa spent billions of dollars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
the 2010 World Cup and then drowned in debt.
Instead
, those budgets should have
been expended
in improving the standard of living, eliminating starvation, and creating a better life for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, I support the view that nations might reap more of the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
those sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
.
Firstly
, there are more job opportunities during years of planning and investment,
thus
contributing to a decrease in unemployment and building a prolific workforce.
Secondly
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
could create enthusiasm and excitement for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
nations’
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
from this encouragement that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to promote their emotional well-being.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
those occasional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can provide an enormous boost to tourism in host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. With stadiums thronged with sports supporters during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
, considerable numbers of souvenirs and tickets
are sold
, generating huge profits.

In conclusion
, I concur with the portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who holds that although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
large sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can dig
immensely
into
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries’
budgets, they, later on, benefit in terms of a myriad of employment opportunities and expenditure of foreign tourists who visit to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
the games.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Using points and examples from the talk, explain the difference between active and passive attention. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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