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The gap between the rich and the poor people is increasingly widespread, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address the problem. v.1

The gap between the rich and the poor people is increasingly widespread, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address the problem. v. 1
It is true that electronic and technological devices are ever-present in the modern workplace. In my opinion, this development has drastically changed how we work, and over-reliance on technology may lead to some repercussions. With the advent of modern technology, the mechanism of storing data is computerized. In the past, accountants were responsible for keeping business reports in physical worksheets; however, accountants in large enterprises these days store the information into database servers where data is accessed and retrieved with ease. As most occupations in the modern days involve the use of computers, this effective method brings a boost to productivity, yielding more desirable overall outcomes. Workers are no longer required to perform repetitive and monotonous tasks on a regular basis, so they have more time for themselves, and their job satisfaction levels will get higher. Despite these changes, I believe that there are clear drawbacks of overusing technology in the workplace. A noticeable downside of it is that the misuse of online communication has psychological impacts on people who indulge in social networking sites and fail to have regular face-to-face communication, possibly resulting in their depression. The second impact is that it may lead to the deterioration of people’s overall health. Nowadays, humans are superseded by computers to automate tasks, which leaves us little work to do; this inadvertently leads us to adopt a sedentary lifestyle which is considered harmful to our health. In conclusion, I believe that despite dramatic modifications in our ways of working, thanks to modern devices, misusing them can do a lot of harm to us.
It is true that electronic and technological devices are ever-present in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
workplace. In my opinion, this development has
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
how we work, and over-reliance on technology may lead to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
repercussions.

With the advent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
technology, the mechanism of storing data
is computerized
. In the past, accountants were responsible for keeping business reports in physical worksheets;
however
, accountants in large enterprises these days store the information into database servers where data
is accessed
and retrieved with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
. As most occupations in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
days involve the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computers, this effective method brings a boost to productivity, yielding more desirable
overall
outcomes. Workers are no longer required to perform repetitive and monotonous tasks on a regular basis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they have more time for themselves, and their job satisfaction levels will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
higher.

Despite these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
, I believe that there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
drawbacks of overusing technology in the workplace. A noticeable downside of it is that the misuse of online communication has psychological impacts on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who indulge in social networking sites and fail to have regular face-to-face communication,
possibly
resulting in their depression. The second impact is that it may lead to the deterioration of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s
overall
health. Nowadays, humans
are superseded
by computers to automate tasks, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
work to do; this
inadvertently
leads us to adopt a sedentary lifestyle which
is considered
harmful to our health.

In conclusion
, I believe that despite dramatic modifications in our ways of working, thanks to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
devices, misusing them can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
harm to us.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay The gap between the rich and the poor people is increasingly widespread, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What are the solutions to address the problem. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
261 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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