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TPO (S6-Q1): Talk about a photograph or painting you have seen that was memorable. Explain what you liked or disliked about it. v.1

TPO (S6-Q1): Talk about a photograph or painting you have seen that was memorable. Explain what you liked or disliked about it. v. 1
It is argued that, training for bringing up kids is necessary for those who are getting into the parenthood newly. I completely agree with this point of view and the reasons for my agreement are discussed in the following paragraphs. Undergoing a parenthood training helps parents to know the importance of positively motivating and supporting their children at each stages of their growth and development. It is observed that, most of the parents are heavily busy with their professional targets. Hence, they get hardly short time to attend the needs of their offspring. Moreover, they are unaware of their parental responsibilities. To explain further, participating in a parenting course could rightly equip parents with suitable skills to support and motivate their beloved ones whenever they are in need of parent support and guidance. So that, each child in every family would not be abandoned without proper assistance from parents. This will result in an increased number of rightly motivated and supported children in the society. Participating in parental training makes parents the role models of their children. For example, a child of conflicting parents would be always dissatisfied and stressful. If they join for parental training, it would help them to identify the weak areas of their parenting and gradually improve their mutual love and acceptance. Hence, their children also start learning the basics of love, respect and other personal qualities as well. Moreover, those children will be more satisfied and proud of their parents always. In conclusion, I fully agree with the idea of new parent training because, it can aid parents to be the real supporters and models of their children.
It
is argued
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
for bringing up kids is necessary for those who are getting into the parenthood
newly
. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view and the reasons for my agreement
are discussed
in the following paragraphs.

Undergoing a parenthood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to know the importance of
positively
motivating and supporting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at each
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "stage"?
stages
of their growth and development. It
is observed
that, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are
heavily
busy with their professional targets.
Hence
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hardly short time to attend the needs of their offspring.
Moreover
, they are unaware of their parental responsibilities. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
further
, participating in a parenting course could
rightly
equip
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
with suitable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to support and motivate their beloved ones whenever they are in need of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
support and guidance.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, each child in every family would not
be abandoned
without proper assistance from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. This will result in an increased number of
rightly
motivated and supported
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the society.

Participating in parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
the role models of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
For example
, a child of conflicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
The adverb 'always' is usually put between 'would' and 'be'.
would be always
dissatisfied and stressful. If they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
for parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
, it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to identify the weak areas of their parenting and
gradually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their mutual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and acceptance.
Hence
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
learning the basics of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, respect and other personal qualities
as well
.
Moreover
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be more satisfied and proud of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
The adverb 'always' is usually not used at the end of a sentence.
always
.

In conclusion
, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
training
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, it can aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to be the real supporters and models of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay TPO (S6-Q1): Talk about a photograph or painting you have seen that was memorable. Explain what you liked or disliked about it. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
273 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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