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Procedural memory and Declarative memory Using the main point and examples from the lecture describe Procedural memory and declarative memory v.1

Procedural memory and Declarative memory Using the main point and examples from the lecture describe Procedural memory and declarative memory v. 1
It has argued that retailers should trade in locally made food instead of foreign ones. In my opinion, I totally agree that only the edibles that are made in the locality should be sold around because, they are fresh, less expensive and their production helps reduce unemployment scandal. Firstly, perishable goods that are produced natively are usually fresh. In other words, their freshness makes them healthy for consumption because the vitamins and minerals would not have been altered due to processing and they would also meet the daily nutritional requirements as proposed by the Dietary Association. As a result, the number of people visiting the hospitals due to food poisoning would reduce drastically. For instance, when the government of China banned the importation of foreign foods, they discovered that the incidence of gastroenteritis reduced from 78% to 35%. Another point to consider is, local foods are cost effective. Unlike foreign ones which have the cost of packaging, preservation, transportation and other logistics added to their final selling price, local foods are affordable and even the poor and middle class citizens can purchase healthy meals at give away prices. In addition, the production of local foods encourages employment. In essence, the number of unemployed citizens will drop and this invariably, will improve the economy of the nation. For example, the government of The Republic of Benin, reported a 58% decline in the rate of unemployment when there was an embargo on importation of foods. In conclusion, when local shops engage in the sales of locally made goods, citizens will consume fresh foods, become healthier, the cost of purchasing such foods will be pocket-friendly and unemployment will be brought down to the bearest minimum.
It has argued that retailers should trade in
locally
made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of foreign ones. In my opinion, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the edibles that
are made
in the locality should
be sold
around
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, they are fresh, less expensive and their production
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
unemployment scandal.

Firstly
, perishable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
that
are produced
natively
are
usually
fresh.
In other words
, their freshness
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them healthy for consumption
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the vitamins and minerals would not have
been altered
due to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
processing and
they would
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the daily nutritional requirements as proposed by the Dietary Association.
As a result
, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visiting the hospitals due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
poisoning would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
drastically
.
For instance
, when the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of China banned the importation of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, they discovered that the incidence of gastroenteritis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
from 78% to 35%.

Another point to consider is,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are cost
effective. Unlike foreign ones which have the cost of packaging, preservation, transportation and other logistics
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to their final selling price,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are affordable and even the poor and middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
citizens can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
healthy meals at give away prices.
In addition
, the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
encourages employment. In essence, the number of unemployed citizens will drop and this
invariably
, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the economy of the nation.
For example
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
of The Republic of Benin, reported a 58% decline in the rate of unemployment when there was an embargo on importation of foods.

In conclusion
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops engage in the sales of
locally
made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
, citizens will consume fresh
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
, become healthier, the cost of purchasing such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
will be pocket-friendly and unemployment will
be brought
down to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bearest
minimum.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is wine upon the lips. – Virginia WoolfInspirational quotes for language learners
Virginia Woolf

IELTS essay Procedural memory and Declarative memory Using the main point and examples from the lecture describe Procedural memory and declarative memory v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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