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TPO46 independentDo you agree or disagree with the following statement? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support y v.1

TPO46 independent The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support y v. 1
It is a trend that more employees have employers' permission to work at home rather than in offices. I definitely believe that this phenomenon is a positive development in human history because of  the benefits for employees and their employers.  The essay will list two benefits, such as  flexible working schedule and time saving while working at home. To begin with, working at home provides a flexible working schedule  because employees will have access to their tasks online via computers at any time.  For example, writers and journalists are able to compose their articles at home and then summit them via e-mail online. As a result, they can carry out their tasks anytime during the days, basing on their personal working schedules.  Without office time limitation, employees will be able to organize their time more flexibly. Moreover, they will feel more delight because there are no limitation of strict office hours and free monitoring from their supervisors.  As a result, this will lead to more production by happy employees and add more profit for companies. In addition, working at home will help employees to save much time. In the contemporary era,  especially living a metropolis, many people need to spend many hours in commuting daily. For example, many local residents living in General Toronto Area spend 2-3 hours daily in commuting to work because many of them live in a suburban region due to extremely high housing price in downtown Toronto. Therefore, working at home will save much time for them daily so that they will have more time for their personal life or family as well. Saving time and energy to commute to work will help employees to focus on their jobs either. Furthermore, working at home in their private place will enhance employees' efficiency as well. Overall, working at home will not only bring many benefits for certain kinds of employees, but also will enhance the product. Moreover, it also provides a flexible schedules for employees and help employees to save time.  Therefore, allowing employees to work at home will bring positive contribute to companies and societies.
It is a trend that more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
have employers' permission to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home
rather
than in offices. I definitely believe that this phenomenon is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development in human history
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
the benefits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and their employers.  The essay will list two benefits, such as
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
  
flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedule
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
saving while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home provides a flexible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
schedule
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will have access to their tasks online via computers at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.  
For example
, writers and journalists are able to compose their articles at home and then summit them via e-mail online.
As a result
, they can carry out their tasks anytime during the days, basing on their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schedules
.  Without office
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
limitation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
will be able to organize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
more
flexibly
.
Moreover
, they will feel more delight 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are no limitation of strict office hours and free monitoring from their supervisors.  
As a result
, this will lead to more production by happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
more profit for 
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
.

In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to save much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. In the contemporary era,
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
especially
living a metropolis,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
need to spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours in commuting daily.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
local residents living
in General
Toronto Area spend 2-3 hours daily in commuting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a suburban region due to
extremely
high housing price in downtown Toronto.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home will save much time for them daily
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they will have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their personal life or family
as well
. Saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and energy to commute to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to focus on their jobs either.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home in their private place will enhance employees' efficiency
as well
.

Overall
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
at home will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for certain kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
will enhance the product.
Moreover
, it
also
provides a flexible
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "schedule"?
schedules
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to save
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.  
Therefore
, allowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
at home will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
contribute to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and societies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO46 independent The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support y v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
337 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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