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The diagram below shows some design principles for an energy efficient house and how they work in different climates Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The diagram below shows some design principles for an energy efficient house and how they work in different climates
Many believe that money is the best gift for children while others do not think so and are believed purchasing something is more convenient instead of giving money. I firmly believe money can be considered as a way of giving presents, but it is not the best approach. Some individuals have been taught monetary as an easiest way to make gift especially for teenagers is not appropriate because, first of all, it means that you do not care about that person and only are doing your task in other word in this way you do not dedicate your precious time to think and find something and you just need put some money into a pocket and done! Moreover, it can be led to some unwanted petty crime, for instance, purchasing cigarette or alcoholic drinking etc. All in all people who are against, bold this cons and have been believed we should purchase something appropriate and what they need according to their age. While the rest are considered some cash can make youngsters more happy in comparison to the ordinary and usual gift. They think this sort of giving present can make teenagers able to opt they gift according to their demands. For example, these days children save some of their pocket money to purchase an expensive merchandise such as a smart phone or game console, so by giving money we can help them to attain their needs and teach and motivate them to save some of their income when they get a job. All in all, they think money is the best gift for youngsters. In conclusion, I do agree with the second point of view and believe money might be one of the best approach to give our present to teenagers, but it is a double-edge gift and we should consider carefully about it.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for children while others do not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
and
are believed
purchasing something is more convenient
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. I
firmly
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can
be considered
as a way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
presents,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
approach.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
individuals have
been taught
monetary as
Use "the" with the superlative.
an
easiest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
especially
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
is not appropriate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
,
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
first of all
, it means that you do not care about that person and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are doing your task in other word in this way you do not dedicate your precious time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
and find something and you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
need put
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into a pocket and done!
Moreover
, it can
be led
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwanted petty crime,
for instance
, purchasing cigarette or alcoholic drinking etc. All in all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are against, bold this cons and have
been believed
we should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
something appropriate and what they need according to their age.

While the rest
are considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cash can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
youngsters more happy
in comparison
to the ordinary and usual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
this sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
present can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
able to opt they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
according to their demands.
For example
, these days children save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their pocket
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
an expensive merchandise such as a smart phone or game console,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to attain their needs and teach and motivate them to save
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their income when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a job. All in all, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gift
for youngsters.

In conclusion
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second point of view and believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
might be one of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
best
approach to give our present to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is a double-edge
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
gift and
we should consider
carefully
about it.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The diagram below shows some design principles for an energy efficient house and how they work in different climates

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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