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The woman expresses her opinion about the childcare service elimination. State her opinion and why she feels this way. v.1

The woman expresses her opinion about the childcare service elimination. State her opinion and why she feels this way. v. 1
For centuries, corporal punishment has been used against children. Many believe that it is the only way to keep children from misbehaving, but is it, though. Pain, pain is a strong leash that one could use against someone. Our innate nature tends to avoid pain. For example, observe how your hand flinches automatically away from fire because of the hurt. Similarly, parents who strike their children are applying a deep psychological concept; Inflicting hurt when they misbehave so the feeling is imprinted in their memory dissuading them from misbehaving again. Some parents believe that they are doing a good job this way, which they are rising good well-disciplined kids. And as much as the target is achieved, it is achieved through fear. The physical pain was never the answer if anything, it's more destructive. Hitting children makes them feel helpless, wound their pride and leave them with nothing but anger and hate. It might even make matters worse. Many children who are beaten up show aggressive behaviour; bullying their colleagues, breaking the rules, getting involved in fights. . . Etc. Corporal punishment can have a reserved effect as many children would misbehave as a statement and that's not even half of it. Modern research shows that physical abuse affects children's mental health and makes them prone to deviation. The list goes on to what horrible side effects it has. I strongly disagree that striking children is the best way to keep them in discipline. I believe that it's cruel and wrong. There are hundreds of other ways to make children behave. Take talking, for instance; you could achieve so much through talking and communicating your thoughts to others. Establishing a connection with your kids is important; making them feel respected and listened can do miracles. You’d find they are more inclined to listen to you if you're kind and respectful. In the end, it is only through mutual respect that one could achieve what he desires. Therefore, even if striking does the job, it's still a degrading method to use regardless of your intentions. Love, kindness and respect are the answer.
For centuries, corporal punishment has been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
against
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
believe that it is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
from misbehaving,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
is it, though.

Pain, pain is a strong leash that one could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
against someone. Our innate nature tends to avoid pain.
For example
, observe how your hand flinches
automatically
away from fire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the hurt.
Similarly
, parents who strike their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are applying a deep psychological concept; Inflicting hurt when they misbehave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the feeling
is imprinted
in their memory dissuading them from misbehaving again.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parents believe that they are doing a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job this way, which they are rising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
well-disciplined kids. And as much as the target
is achieved
, it
is achieved
through fear.

The physical pain was never the answer if anything, it's more destructive. Hitting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them feel helpless, wound their pride and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
them with nothing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
anger and hate. It might even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
matters worse.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are beaten
up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
aggressive
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
; bullying their colleagues, breaking the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, getting involved in fights.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Etc. Corporal punishment can have a reserved effect as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would misbehave as a statement and that's not even half of it. Modern research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that physical abuse affects children's mental health and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them prone to deviation. The list goes on to what horrible side effects it has.

I
strongly
disagree that striking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them in discipline. I believe that it's cruel and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
. There are hundreds of other ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
behave. Take talking,
for instance
; you could achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much through talking and communicating your thoughts to others. Establishing a connection with your kids is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
; making them feel respected and listened can do miracles. You’d find they are more inclined to listen to you if you're kind and respectful.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
through mutual respect that one could achieve what he desires.
Therefore
, even if striking does the job, it's
still
a degrading method to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
regardless of your intentions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Love
, kindness and respect are the answer.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The woman expresses her opinion about the childcare service elimination. State her opinion and why she feels this way. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
351 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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