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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? TPO 46 - Task 2The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support you v.622

TPO 46 - Task 2The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support you v. 622
It goes without saying that famous people such celebrities play a significant role in a society and they affect individuals' point of view dramatically. While many people hold the opinion that young individuals are more susceptible to celebrities' opinions rather than adults, I concur this perspective. The reasons to support my viewpoint are elaborated upon in the following paragraphs. To begin with, young people are not mature enough to distinguish among various opinions. To be more specific, youngsters are seeking to use other people, especially the celebrities, opinions and experiences to solve their problems in various situations. Therefore, they are more subject to accept celebrities opinions and put it into practice to pave their paths. On the other hand, adults are able to make right decisions individually since they have gained valuable experiences in their lives. My personal example can shed some light on this issue. When I high school student, I needed to choose a major for my future. In this time, I enrolled to a conference that a well-known entertainer gave a lecture about the importance of the economic in humans' life. Therefore, I was interested in this field and decided to choose economic as my major. In addition, juveniles follow celebrities more than adults do. To put it in the other word, younger people take celebrities as their role model and strive to imitate them in every aspects. It is no secret to anyone that role models have great effects on people' s life. For instance, most of the well-known companies use celebrities to advertise their products and introduce their products to society. These companies are aware the impact of celebrities' voice to most of their fans. In this case, most of the celebrities’ fans are young person, so they will accept celebrities’ opinions. On the contrary, adults has less free time to follow celebrities. In conclusion, considering all the mentioned points and examples, I do believe that celebrities' opinion have strong influences on young persons than old one. This is because young people are inclined in using others opinion, especially famous people, and they take celebrities as their role models.
It goes without saying that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
play a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
in a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they affect
Possible spelling mistake found.
individuals&
#039; point of view
dramatically
. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals are more susceptible to
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrities&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
, I concur this perspective. The reasons to support my viewpoint
are elaborated
upon in the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not mature
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to distinguish among various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
. To be more specific, youngsters are seeking to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
and experiences to solve their problems in various situations.
Therefore
, they are more subject to accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
and put it into practice to pave their paths. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
right decisions
individually
since they have gained valuable experiences in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. My personal example can shed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
light on this issue. When
Possible mistake. Please verify.
I high
school student, I needed to choose a major for my future. In this time,
The usual collocation for "enrolled" is "in" (a school) or "for" (a course). Did you mean "I enrolled in" or "I enrolled for"?
I enrolled to
a conference that a well-known entertainer gave a lecture about the importance of the economic in
Possible spelling mistake found.
humans&
#039; life.
Therefore
, I
was interested
in this field and decided to choose economic as my major.

In addition
, juveniles follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
do. To put it in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
word, younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
model and strive to imitate them in every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "aspect"?
aspects
. It is no secret to anyone that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
models have great effects on
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s life.
For instance
, most of the well-known
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to advertise their products and introduce their products to society. These
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
are aware the impact of
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrities&
#039; voice to most of their fans.
In this case
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
fans are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will accept
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinions
.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
has less free time to follow celebrities.

In conclusion
, considering all the mentioned points and examples, I do believe that
Possible spelling mistake found.
celebrities&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
have strong influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
persons than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
one. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are inclined
in using others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
opinion
,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, and they take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
models.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO 46 - Task 2The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support you v. 622

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
354 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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