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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? TPO 46 - Task 2The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support you v.188

TPO 46 - Task 2The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support you v. 188
The global market has moved to another level of innovation with the motto of sustainable development. Meanwhile, certain people contend that the advancement of technology outweighs demerits than its merits. I partially agree with this concept. On the one hand, the latest technologies and researches had simplified human life with better comfort and security. A lot of inventions from the personal computer to the smartphone eased human life. People can do communicate without the barrier of distance with the development of telecommunication, even video conferences in the PCs are supplanted by the handy smartphone. Another field of great innovations is in the medical field. For instance, cancer, AIDS, H1N1 was once a deadly illness and by the tremendous research, the diagnosis and treatment are now possible. Natural disasters like tsunami, earthquake, and flood were the surprising events that caused soar the death toll back in history and now we have sophisticated technologies to predict and alarm people. Engineers are planning for sustainable development, the aim is of a thriving economy without harming the environment. On the other hand, people started misusing the facilities and equipment for threatening others. Though nuclear energy is formulated to generate electricity, now it is widely used to make nuclear bombs. Similarly, spreading viruses to deteriorate the harmony and depress the economy of a country. For example, North Korea spread viruses in its enemy countries as a part of the biological war. Certain people are wasting time watching pornographic content and playing games in smart phones. To sum up, the advantages derived from modern discoveries outweigh the disadvantages. In some cases, there might be some negative effect, but if these innovations are used wisely then tremendous of benefits can be made available for mankind.
The global market has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
to another level of innovation with the motto of sustainable development. Meanwhile, certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
contend that the advancement of technology outweighs demerits than its merits. I
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this concept.

On the one hand, the latest technologies and researches had simplified human life with better comfort and security.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
inventions from the personal computer to the smartphone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
human life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can do communicate without the barrier of distance with the development of telecommunication, even video conferences in the PCs
are supplanted
by the handy smartphone. Another field of great innovations is in the medical field.
For instance
, cancer, AIDS, H1N1 was once a deadly illness and by the tremendous research, the diagnosis and treatment are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
possible.

Natural disasters like tsunami, earthquake, and flood were the surprising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
that caused soar the death toll back in history and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we have sophisticated technologies to predict and alarm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Engineers are planning for sustainable development, the aim is of a thriving economy without harming the environment.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
misusing the facilities and equipment for threatening others. Though nuclear energy
is formulated
to generate electricity,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
it is
widely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
nuclear bombs.
Similarly
, spreading viruses to deteriorate the harmony and depress the economy of a country.
For example
, North Korea spread viruses in its enemy countries as a part of the biological war. Certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are wasting time watching pornographic content and playing games in smart phones.

To sum up, the advantages derived from modern discoveries outweigh the disadvantages. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases, there might be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if these innovations are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
wisely
then tremendous of benefits can
be made
available for mankind.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay TPO 46 - Task 2The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support you v. 188

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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