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TPO46-Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v.1

TPO46- The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1
Nowadays, some popular languages are used widely in some countries, so that make the native speakers less communicate in their mother tongue language. I partly agree with this issue, it will bring both positive and negative impacts. On the one hand, fewer languages speak easier in communication. To begin with, the cross cultural communication helps boost the trade and culture exchange. Moreover, it is believed that who are bilingual or multilingual can find the job easier. Besides, it is easy for them to discuss and communicate with partners and colleagues. Then, using the same language is also a way to acquire knowledge, achievement in many different fields such as technology, science and so on. Thanks to this, people from less developed countries can absorb the information and thereby develop their country. For example, Singapore has been rapidly successful in many majors like economic, education, health by using English as its official language. On the other hand, aphasia is a loss of the dialect of culture, history and identity of certain communities. Everyone has the same rights and opportunities to save their mother tongue. For instance, the country’s cultural values like poetry, music and art will be lost since it cannot translate into other languages. Furthermore, the use of certain languages also reduces the cultural diversity of the world in some ethnic minorities, they have gradually lost their own writing and only speak that language because they have to integrate into the culture and the national language. To sum up, although globalization of languages will make people more convenient in life, they need to protect and keep cultural identity through their own languages.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
widely
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the native speakers less communicate in their mother tongue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. I partly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this issue, it will bring both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts.

On the one hand, fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
speak easier in communication. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the cross
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
boost the trade and culture exchange.
Moreover
, it
is believed
that who are bilingual or multilingual can find the job easier.
Besides
, it is easy for them to discuss and communicate with partners and colleagues. Then, using the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
also
a way to acquire knowledge, achievement in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields such as technology, science and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. Thanks to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from less developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can absorb the information and thereby develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
For example
, Singapore has been
rapidly
successful in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
majors like economic, education, health by using English as its official language.

On the other hand
, aphasia is a loss of the dialect of culture, history and identity of certain communities. Everyone has the same rights and opportunities to save their mother tongue.
For instance
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
values like poetry, music and art will
be lost
since it cannot translate into other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
diversity of the world in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
ethnic minorities, they have
gradually
lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
writing and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
speak that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
integrate into the culture and the national language.

To sum up, although globalization of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
more convenient in life, they need to protect and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultural
identity through their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO46- The opinions of celebrities, such as famous entertainers and athletes, are more important to younger people than they are to older people. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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