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Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v.25

Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 25
According to some children should learn a foreign language in primary school while others think in secondary school. However, I believe that children should start learning the other languages too, along with their native ones at the elementary level because, at an early age, children can learn any language easily comparatively. On the one hand, many people believe that children should not start learning any other language because more subjects will over-burden the child. They think along with the language classes; the compulsory subjects will neglect like maths and science, pupils will distract and not focused on the essential topics. Therefore they believe languages should be taught at higher levels. For example, according to the survey in China, 30% of kids who started learning English in their elementary school besides other compulsory subjects will get good scores in English and low grades in maths. However, I believe it may happen initially, but in a long run, learning different languages at a younger age will sharpen their mathematical skills later on in life. On the other hand, in my opinion, elementary-age is the best age to learn any foreign language because children 's brain is supremely adaptive for any new subject or any language and can pick different dialects and phonetic smoothly. For human brain numbers of brain cells are essential in learning new things, and as the age progresses, these cells will permanently destroy. Therefore, the young brain has more neurons "the brain cells" due to that they are more receptive to learn many subjects at the same time, including different languages. For instance, according to many researchers, the young brain has over 70% more grasping power than as he grows older. In conclusion, I believe, teaching foreign language at primary levels has many benefits than the disadvantage because young children brain has more grasping power and can learn many subjects simultaneously along with the major ones.
According to
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some
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children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in primary school while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
in secondary school.
However
, I
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believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
too, along with their native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
at the elementary level
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, at an early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
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learn
any
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language
easily
comparatively
.

On the one hand,
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many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will over-burden the child. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
along with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
classes; the compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will neglect like
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
and science, pupils will distract and not focused on the essential topics.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
should
be taught
at higher levels.
For example
, according to the survey in China, 30% of kids who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
English in their elementary school
besides
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
compulsory
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
scores in English and low grades in
Possible spelling mistake. 'maths' is British English.
maths
.
However
, I
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believe
it may happen
initially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in a long run,
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learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
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languages
at a younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
will sharpen their mathematical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
later on in life.

On the
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other
hand, in my opinion, elementary-age is the best
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age
to
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learn
any foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
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children
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
is
supremely
adaptive for any new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subject
or any
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language
and can pick
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
dialects and phonetic
smoothly
. For human
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brain
numbers of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
cells are essential in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learning
new things, and as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
progresses, these cells will
permanently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
.
Therefore
, the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
has more neurons
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
cells
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
due to that they are more receptive to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
at the same time, including
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
.
For instance
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
researchers, the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
has over 70% more grasping power than as he grows older.

In conclusion
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
, teaching foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
at primary levels has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits than the disadvantage
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
brain
has more grasping power and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
simultaneously
along with the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many working people get little or no exercise either during the working day or in their free time, and have health problems as a result. Why do so many working people not get enough exercise? What can be done about this problem? v. 25

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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