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The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparison were relevant. v.3

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.
In the modern society, many factors are contributing to disease emergence, as a result of climate change, globalization and urbanization. Most of these factors are to some extent caused by humans. Thus, it is a necessity to find the cures. However, many believe that there are side effects to the allopathy medication, people are finding alternate ways such as Ayurveda and Homeopathy, which are considered as harmless, to heal. In this essay, we can discuss the pros and cons of such alternative healing. To begin with, Allopathic doctors use a range of treatments to treat infection, illness, and disease. These include antibiotics, chemotherapy, so on. These can be detrimental to the human health. Thus, people find Ayurveda, which uses various natural methods of healing regimen and Homeopathy in which, medicines are made of natural substances that comes from plants or minerals, as an alternative. Thus, have only fewer or negligible side effects. Secondly, therapy options in traditional forms of cure are less invasive and cheaper compared to the modern treatment. A number of diseases can be cured effectively with traditional medicine. In comparison, homeopathic drugs haven’t had any or adequate amounts of research and testing. Therefore, the correct dosages, effects, and side effects may not be known. In addition, Homeopathy drugs also aren’t regulated. Some may contain ingredients that have unknown or harmful effects. In other cases, homeopathic dosages are too diluted to have a medicinal effect. People with diseases like diabetes, high blood pressure, and cancer require effective drugs and very accurate dosages of specific treatments. Moreover, some illness such as cancer requires immediate actions to stop spreading of sick cells, which is impossible in Ayurveda which works only slow and takes time. However, Ayurvedic practitioners have claimed to have cured tumor, but due to evidentiary shortcomings, it is mostly hearsay. To conclude, no healthcare system is perfect. Combining the trend of the 21st century for choosing the homeopathic and other alternative medicine with allopathic or mainstream drug might work in treating people with some types of illnesses or ailments. Any kind of medical treatment should be tailored to the individual and treat the whole person, not symptoms alone.
In the modern society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
factors are contributing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
emergence,
as a result
of climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, globalization and urbanization. Most of these factors are to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent caused by humans.
Thus
, it is a necessity to find the cures.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
believe that there are side effects to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
allopathy
medication,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are finding alternate ways such as Ayurveda and Homeopathy, which
are considered
as harmless, to heal. In this essay, we can discuss the pros and cons of such alternative healing.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, Allopathic doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
a range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
to treat infection, illness, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
. These include antibiotics, chemotherapy,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These can be detrimental to the human health.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find Ayurveda, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
various natural methods of healing regimen and Homeopathy in which, medicines
are made
of natural substances that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from plants or minerals, as an alternative.
Thus
, have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fewer or negligible side effects.
Secondly
, therapy options in traditional forms of cure are less invasive and cheaper compared to the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
. A number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
can
be cured
effectively
with traditional medicine.

In comparison
, homeopathic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
haven’t had any or adequate amounts of research and testing.
Therefore
, the correct dosages, effects, and side effects may not
be known
.
In addition
, Homeopathy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
also
aren’t regulated.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
may contain ingredients that have unknown or harmful effects. In other cases, homeopathic dosages are too diluted to have a medicinal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
like diabetes, high blood pressure, and cancer require effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
accurate dosages of specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatments
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
illness such as cancer requires immediate actions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
spreading of sick cells, which is impossible in Ayurveda which works
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
slow and takes time.
However
, Ayurvedic practitioners have claimed to have cured tumor,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
evidentiary
shortcomings, it is
mostly
hearsay.

To conclude
, no healthcare system is perfect. Combining the trend of the 21st century for choosing the homeopathic and other alternative medicine with allopathic or mainstream
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
might work in treating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of illnesses or ailments. Any kind of medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
treatment
should
be tailored
to the individual and treat the whole person, not symptoms alone.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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