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o you agree or disagree with the following statement The opinions of celebrities such as famous entertainers and athletes are more important to younger people than they are to older people Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.2

o you agree or disagree with the following statement The opinions of celebrities such as famous entertainers and athletes are more important to younger people than they are to older people Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2
Last decade, famous people had a very specific circumstances between people especially young adults. The young generation usually follow them in various ways. In my point of view, I believe that it is true that young adults care more about such big people compare to old people. In this essay I am going to describe three main reasons to be proven. First of all, young generation always buy magazines and newspapers, and watch movies to see those famous celebrities. But old generation are not interested to buy magazines and use other media to follow up them and get their opinions. As a result, nothing to see and nothing to follow. For example, a guy with age twenty always like to be in good style and go somewhere that famous people use to go and use to buy their cloths, so she or he should buy those sources to get data where they go for shopping and having fun. On the other hand old one never wants to be in style because he or she don’t need to be up to dated for what they wear and what they buy. Secondly, most of the time famous people are in a successful category which many people likes to know the secret of their success, so young adults always like to listen to them and follow their life to see how they can be like them. As a result, always they follow their life style, and food style. For instance, a famous artist in television with a good shape and good face have a specific story which she came from poor family and finally with hard working she reaches to this point. This gives other common people specially young one to believes that she can do, as the actress did. Thirdly, famous people always are in good shape with kind of cloths wearing that young adults enjoy to watch compare to old generation. Because of the different point of view and life style that they have. To make this point clear, some famous artist use to wear open cloths which is not sufficient for grandfathers or grandmothers to see and wear but their kids like to wear same cloths because they follow their own idol. To sum up, always is good to know that day by day people view and the way of thinking will change and young generation always try to be up to date with their lovely idols which are famous such as athletes and follow their opinion, although old generation sometime are following them but most of the time it is difficult for them to bear these kind of thinking and opinions.
Last decade,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
specific circumstances between
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people
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
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adults
. The
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young
generation
usually
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
them in various ways. In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view, I believe that it is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
care more about such
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
compare to
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old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. In this essay I am going to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describe
three main reasons to
be proven
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
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young
generation always
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
magazines and newspapers, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
movies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
those
Consider using "celebrities".
famous celebrities
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
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old
generation are not interested to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
magazines and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
other media to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
up them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their opinions.
As a result
, nothing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and nothing to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
.
For example
, a guy with age twenty always like to be in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
and go somewhere that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
to go and
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloths
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
she or he should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
those sources to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
data where they go for shopping and having fun.
On the other hand
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old
one never wants to be in
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style
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he or she
The pronoun 'she' is usually used with a third-person or a past tense verb: "doesn’t", "didn’t".
don’t
need to be up to dated for what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
and what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
.

Secondly
, most of the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are in a successful category which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
likes
to know the secret of their success,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
always like to listen to them and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their life to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how they can be like them.
As a result
, always they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
, and food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
.
For instance
, a
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famous
artist in television with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
shape and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
face have a specific story which she came from poor family and
finally
with
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
she reaches to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
. This gives other common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
specially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
one to believes that she can do, as the actress did.

Thirdly
,
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famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
always are in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
shape with kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloths
wearing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
enjoy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
compare to
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old
generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of view and life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
style
that they have. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
artist
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
open
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloths
which is not sufficient for grandfathers or grandmothers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their kids like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wear
same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cloths
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
idol.

To sum up, always is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
to know that day by day
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
view and the way of thinking will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation always try to be up to date with their lovely idols which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
famous
such as athletes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
follow
their opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
generation sometime are following them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
most of the time it is difficult for them to bear
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of thinking and opinions.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
68Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay o you agree or disagree with the following statement The opinions of celebrities such as famous entertainers and athletes are more important to younger people than they are to older people Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
442 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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