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TPO44-Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are relate v.1

TPO44-Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are relate v. 1
Nowadays, the question of whether mobile phones should be banned like smoking in public places or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although using cell phones has some demerits, this suggestion is groundless and I totally don't agree. There is a whole host of reasons why people are not in favour of banning mobile phones. First, since mobile phone and cigarettes are two distinct products, any comparisons seem implausible. In fact, cigarettes contain some hazardous chemical compounds that directly deteriorate human’s health, while mobile phone has nothing to do with these poisonous chemicals, which makes the idea of prohibiting mobile phones unreasonable. Second, people, rather than mobile phones, are the factors that ultimately decide to engage in antisocial behaviour. In fact, there are plenty of mobile phone users who are even more prosocial than non-users, which leads to an insignificant causal relationship between mobile phones and antisocial behaviour. There are other compelling reasons for not banning mobile phones. First, this device is considered the best tool in emergency situations, especially in public places. In fact, when people require assistance in unexpected problems such as accidents, rescue, fire, …, mobile phone is one of the easiest means to contact relatives. Secondly, this tool also helps people exchange information more quickly than the traditional ways which cost time and money. This means that thanks to mobile phone, the communication of humans becomes more convenient and effective. In conclusion, from the above advantages of cell phone, a suggestion to ban this device is unreasonable. As long as people use mobile phone consciously, it will promote the role of this type of technology in life.
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
should
be banned
like smoking in public places or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although using cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits, this suggestion is groundless and I
totally
don't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.

There is a whole host of reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of banning mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
First
, since mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
and cigarettes are two distinct products, any comparisons seem implausible. In fact, cigarettes contain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
hazardous chemical compounds that
directly
deteriorate human’s health, while mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
has nothing to do with these poisonous chemicals, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of prohibiting mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
unreasonable. Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
rather
than mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
, are the factors that
ultimately
decide to engage in antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
users who are even more prosocial than non-users, which leads to an insignificant causal relationship between mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
and antisocial
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
.

There are other compelling reasons for not banning mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
.
First
, this device
is considered
the best tool in emergency situations,
especially
in public places. In fact, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
require assistance in unexpected problems such as accidents, rescue, fire, …, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is one of the easiest means to contact relatives.
Secondly
, this tool
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
exchange information more
quickly
than the traditional ways which cost time and money. This means that thanks to mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, the communication of humans becomes more convenient and effective.

In conclusion
, from the above advantages of cell
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
, a suggestion to ban this device is unreasonable. As long as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
consciously
, it will promote the role of this type of technology in life.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO44-Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are relate v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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