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TPO26-Do you or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents' jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their their parents' jobs. v.1

TPO26-Do you or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents' jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their their parents' jobs. v. 1
In the contemporary era, the amount of the trash generated is progressively increasing. This is because of consumerism and the inability of certain products to be recycled. The government can play a crucial role by promoting the consumption of reusable items and creating awareness regarding depleting natural resources. With the advancement in technology, consumerism has gained immense fame. People nowadays are living a materialistic life. They are indulged in buying latest products and then throwing the old off though they are not worn out. This trend is leading to the increased production of waste. Furthermore, there is increased usage of plastic products. Due to their inability to get recycled, they are discarded without proper treatment which lead to the rise in garbage. A survey showed that the rise in buying of products and not appropriately disposing them are the main culprits behind increased rubbish produced. These problems need to be addressed at a higher level. The government can play a crucial role by banning the use of items which are not biodegradable and making the strict laws regarding disobeying these rules. Moreover, by creating awareness among the public about the declining natural resources owing to meet the high demands of people to get particular products by the use of digital and print media. Thus, showing the public how they are damaging their planet. Protests are being done in various parts of the world these days to save the natural resources. To conclude, to meet the rising demands of communities there is increased usage of items which ultimately lead to the rise in trash produced. Therefore, the government should make legislatures to prevent the depletion of natural resources and to properly dispose the rubbish.
In the contemporary era, the amount of the trash generated is
progressively
increasing. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of consumerism and the inability of certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
to
be recycled
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can play a crucial role by promoting the consumption of reusable items and creating awareness regarding depleting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources.

With the advancement in technology, consumerism has gained immense fame.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
nowadays are living a materialistic life. They
are indulged
in buying
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and then throwing the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
off though they are not worn out. This trend is leading to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
production of waste.
Furthermore
, there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
usage of plastic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. Due to their inability to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
recycled, they
are discarded
without proper treatment which lead to the rise in garbage. A survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the rise in buying of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and not
appropriately
disposing them are the main culprits behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
rubbish produced.

These problems need to
be addressed
at a higher level. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can play a crucial role by banning the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of items which are not biodegradable and making the strict laws regarding disobeying these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.
Moreover
, by creating awareness among the public about the declining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources owing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the high demands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of digital and print media.
Thus
, showing the public how they are damaging their planet. Protests are
being done
in various parts of the world these days to save the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources.

To conclude
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the rising demands of communities there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
usage of items which
ultimately
lead to the rise in trash produced.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
legislatures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the depletion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
natural
resources and to
properly
dispose the rubbish.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay TPO26-Do you or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents' jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their their parents' jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
283 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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