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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v.2

Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2
Around the world in most of the nation, it is observed that the number of people who visit art galleries is declining day by day. There are many reasons for this trend; however, if this problem treated in a better way, the issue could be resolved without much effort. Undoubtedly, nowadays, with the advancement of the Internet and media, everyone has access to various sources, including the rare art pieces. As a result of this, recently, an increasing number of people are used to search whatever the arts that they willing to see and they have the liberty of viewing those arts whenever they want. For instance, travelling to another city, especially allocating time, and then purchasing a ticket to enter to the art gallery in long queues wastes a massive amount of time. Instead, people have many ways to pay online and watch these marvellous art pieces with a fraction of the money. Nevertheless, there are ways to address this problem of decreasing number of visits among society. Firstly, the art galleries should look at the options of stop exposing the masterpieces to the Internet. Secondly, the photographing inside the galleries should be strictly prohibited, and as a result of this outside world must visit in person to observe such art. Finally, the art galleries could introduce a different raffle draws throughout the year among the visiting crowed to attract more people. In conclusion, the number of visitors to art galleries is indeed reducing gradually due to the World Wide Web; however, there are many solutions to attract more crowd. One of the primary solutions is to avoid providing pictures to websites so people must visit these art museums.
Around the world in most of the nation, it
is observed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
is declining day by day. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons for this trend;
however
, if this problem treated in a better way, the issue could
be resolved
without much effort.

Undoubtedly
, nowadays, with the advancement of the Internet and media, everyone has access to various sources, including the rare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
pieces.
As a result
of this, recently, an increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to search whatever the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
that
Did you mean "they're willing", "they are willing", or "they were willing"?
they willing
to
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
see and
they have the liberty of viewing those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
arts
whenever they want.
For instance
, travelling to another city,
especially
allocating time, and then purchasing a ticket to enter to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gallery
in long queues wastes a massive amount of time.
Instead
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to pay online and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
pieces with a fraction of the money.

Nevertheless
, there are ways to address this problem of decreasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visits
among society.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should look at the options of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
exposing the masterpieces to the Internet.
Secondly
, the photographing inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
should be
strictly
prohibited, and
as a result
of this outside world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
in person to observe such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
could introduce a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
raffle draws throughout the year among the visiting crowed to attract more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of visitors to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
galleries
is
indeed
reducing
gradually
due to the World Wide Web;
however
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
solutions to attract more crowd. One of the primary solutions is to avoid providing pictures to websites
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visit
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
museums.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Because the world is changing so quickly, people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
280 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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