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Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to sch v.2

Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to sch v. 2
Parents nowadays do not have enough time being with their children, so they are pretty serious about what to do when they finally squeeze their time to accompany their kids, either playing sports and having other kinds of entertainments or dealing with children' s schoolwork. Personally, I would suggest parents spend this precious time doing something relaxing and trying to create joyful memories for their kids' childhood. First, playing games with young children in their spare time will improve family relationship between parents and children. Today, since adults are getting more and more pressure from their work, the time they spent with their children has been shorten gradually. Even though parents care so much about the kids' study at school, they should not show their concern as long as they have time to deal with family issues, because this will leave negative impression of themselves being too pushy to their children rather than the image of kindness and caring. However, playing games, such as outdoor activities, going to amusement parks and travelling around other places, with their children are beneficial to building up positive bounds between parents and young kids. Second, playing games or doing sports will be helpful to let children be healthier, since at school, teachers concentrate more of their effort on learning knowledge and spend less time on doing exercise to improve children' s body conditions. After school classes, parents are supposed to pay attention on children' s health development, and spending more time on trying to solve academic problems will make their kids in worse conditions, physically and psychologically. Young people, especially high school students, have spent too much time sitting on chairs indoors, and escaping from rooms are so necessary for them, otherwise their bad health would create obstacles in their future development. Although, some may choose to spend more time on studying schoolwork, and they even show big progress in their grades, in the long run, parents should help their kids to make the right choice of keeping healthy. There are so many examples of people who are talented enough to make some breakthrough in work, but they are stopped by their physical conditions. An extraordinary artist, who is a friend of my mom, has won many prizes in the first thirty years of her life, however she was too ambitious that used to locked herself in her office for days, suddenly she got an uncured illness and has to stay in bed for the rest of her life. Her life gives us so much pities, and makes me rethink about my life’s pursuit. In sum, parents would better spend their spare time giving their children the right direction about their life and helping them to keep healthy, which is a double-win that benefit both the relationship between parents and children and the future development of children’s lives.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
nowadays do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
being with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they are pretty serious about what to do when they
finally
squeeze their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to accompany their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
sports and having other kinds of entertainments or dealing with
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s schoolwork.
Personally
, I would suggest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
this precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing something relaxing and trying to create joyful memories for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
kids&
#039; childhood.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
games with young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
family relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, since adults are getting more and more pressure from their work, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
they spent with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has been
Consider using a past participle here: "shortened".
shorten
gradually
.
Even though
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
care
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much about the
Possible spelling mistake found.
kids&
#039; study at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their concern as long as they have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to deal with family issues,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impression of themselves being too pushy to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
rather
than the image of kindness and caring.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
games, such as outdoor activities, going to amusement parks and travelling around other places, with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are beneficial to building up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
bounds between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and young kids.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
games or doing sports will be helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
be healthier, since at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, teachers concentrate more of their effort on learning knowledge and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on doing exercise to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s body conditions. After
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
classes,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are supposed
to pay attention on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s health development, and spending more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on trying to solve academic problems will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in worse conditions,
physically
and
psychologically
. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
especially
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students, have spent too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
sitting on chairs indoors, and escaping from rooms are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
necessary for them,
otherwise
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
health would create obstacles in their future development.

Although,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on studying schoolwork, and they even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
progress in their grades, in the long run,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
the right choice of keeping healthy. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
are talented
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
breakthrough in work,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
by their physical conditions. An extraordinary artist, who is a friend of my mom, has won
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
prizes in the
first
thirty years of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
however
she was too ambitious that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to locked herself in her office for days,
suddenly
she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
an uncured illness and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
stay in bed for the rest of her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
gives us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
Use "many" with countable nouns.
much
pities, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
me rethink about my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life’s
pursuit.

In sum,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
would better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
their spare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
giving their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
the right direction about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and helping them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy, which is a double-win that benefit both the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the future development of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
59Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are related to sch v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
474 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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