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TPO44-Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are relate v.2

TPO44-Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are relate v. 2
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of spending time with children by parents especially when parents are too busy and they do not have enough free time. Some people may hold the opinion that it is essential for parents who do not have adequate time for spending with their children to have fun with children during their free time. But others have negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, obviously, children need enough fun with their parents so it is better for parents to use their time for have a fun with children. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints. First let us look at what a child typically want from their parents. Surely, they need happiness. It goes without saying that if we force our child to do his homework in our free time rather than paly with him, we do not bring any happiness for them. By way of illustration, when I was a child my mother usually went to the work most time of the day and I only meet her two hour in a day. As I remmeber from that time, I excepted my mom to play with me because I needed good and happy moments but she always worked on my school work. So, I had a great sad in my childhood. There is also a more subtle point to consider. During the play children can learn many courses too. Needless to say, many edcational research suggest to teach children with paly. Thus, if parents spend their time with fun and play with children, they can reach to two goals and help them in many schoolworks when they play. Taking my son for example, learning new methods of education during play in my unveristy help me to play with my son in scarce time that I find in day and aim my son in schoolwork too. Finally, I cannot oversee the fact having enough fun also means more energy for children to participate in their classrooms. To shed more light on the issue, according to the result of the study done in Tehran Univeristy, students who have more fun in their home and play with their parents have better consciuosness in the class and higher social ability that let them communicate with other students. In fact, this study superisingly shows that not only these students have better communication, but also have higher grade. Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always some exceptions which are exlcluded from the general rule, I do agree that it is more beneficial for children to have fun and play with their parents rather than doing homework
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
especially
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are too
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
busy and
they do not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may hold the opinion that it is essential for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who do not have adequate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for spending with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
during their free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude. As far as I
am concerned
,
obviously
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints.

First
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at what a child
typically
want from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Surely
, they need happiness. It goes without saying that if we force our child to do his homework in our free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
rather
than
Possible spelling mistake found.
paly
with him, we do not bring any happiness for them. By way of illustration, when I was a child my mother
usually
went to the work most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
of the day and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
her two hour in a day. As I
Possible spelling mistake found.
remmeber
from that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, I excepted my mom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with me
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I needed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and happy moments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
she always worked on my school work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I had a great sad in my childhood.

There is
also
a more subtle point to consider. During the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
courses too. Needless to say,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
edcational
research
The verb 'suggest' is used with the gerund form: "suggest teaching".
suggest to teach
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
Possible spelling mistake found.
paly
.
Thus
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they can reach to two goals and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake found.
schoolworks
when they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
. Taking my son
for example
, learning new methods of education during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
unveristy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with my son in scarce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that I find in day and aim my son in schoolwork too.

Finally
, I cannot oversee the fact having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
also
means more energy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to participate in their classrooms. To shed more light on the issue, according to the result of the study done in Tehran
Possible spelling mistake found.
Univeristy
, students who have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
in their home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have better
Possible spelling mistake found.
consciuosness
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
and higher social ability that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them communicate with other students. In fact, this study
Possible spelling mistake found.
superisingly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
these students have better communication,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have higher grade.

Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions which are
Possible spelling mistake found.
exlcluded
from the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that it is more beneficial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fun
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
rather
than doing homework
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
With languages, you are at home anywhere.
Edward De Waal

IELTS essay TPO44-Some people believe that when busy parents do not have a lot of time to spend with their children, the best use of that time is to have fun playing games or sports. Other believe that it is best to use that time doing things together that are relate v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
447 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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