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Many universities now offer academic courses over the internet. However, some people still prefer learning in traditional classrooms. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v.2

Many universities now offer academic courses over the internet. However, some people still prefer learning in traditional classrooms. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 2
It is a fact that we are living in the age of the global village, but far away from our cultural and social values. Most of the people believe that our behaviours are becoming anti-social and less respectful towards others. This essay will discuss that shortage of education and time are the causes and put forward steps to resolve that issue. There are many causes of less respect for others, but a lack of education is the primary one. It is an obvious fact that an educated person is civilized as compared to the uneducated person. In other words, he deals with people of all age groups with respectful manners. Moreover, even in a worst scenario, educated person tries not to misbehave with others just because of his education. Another reason of anti-social behaviour is a non-availability of time. As life gets busier, even parents do not have time to spend with their children. They spend all of their time in earning money so that they can meet the needs. Meanwhile, they forgot to train their children how to behave with others. As a result, children with less training from their parents ultimately lead to a society with less manners. There are many ways to improve this issue. Primarily, the government should take an initiative to educate a society by making education free of cost for all. Secondly, the government should introduce and make a law regarding dis-respectful behaviours. Finally, parents should spend some time with their children to teach them about the rules and regulation of a society. In conclusion, these days, uneducated society and time are the causes of anti-social behaviour and this can be solved by providing education to all by the government and parents.
It is a fact that we are living in the age of the global village,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
far away from our cultural and social values. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that our
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
are becoming anti-social and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
respectful towards others. This essay will discuss that shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are the causes and put forward steps to resolve that issue.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
respect for others,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is the primary one. It is an obvious fact that an educated person
is civilized
as compared to the uneducated person. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, he deals with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of all age groups with respectful manners.
Moreover
, even in
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
worst scenario, educated person tries not to misbehave with others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of his education.

Another reason of anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is a non-availability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. As life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
busier, even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do not have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. They spend all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in earning money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs. Meanwhile, they forgot to train their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
how to behave with others.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
training from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
ultimately
lead to a society with
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun manners is countable.
less
manners.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
this issue.
Primarily
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take an initiative to educate a society by making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
free of cost for all.
Secondly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a law regarding dis-respectful
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to teach them about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulation of a society.

In conclusion
, these days, uneducated society and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
are the causes of anti-social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and this can
be solved
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
to all by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Many universities now offer academic courses over the internet. However, some people still prefer learning in traditional classrooms. Which do you think is better? Explain why. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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