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tpo36-1What advice would you give to a child just starting school? Why do you think this advice will be helpful to the child? Use details and examples to explain your answer. v.1

tpo36-1What advice would you give to a child just starting school? Why do you think this advice will be helpful to the child? . v. 1
Nowadays, a group of people, argue to stop building and expanding the big companies and the industries in the town limit and suggest to shift the expansion to the inner portion of a country. In my opinion, the planning to move the large factories and offices have more benefits than the drawbacks. The following essay state points to support my view. Firstly, it has been observed that, in the cities, due to the better job opportunities and the exposure to the outer world, there is a rise in the population. An increasing rate in the population, results in the scarcity in the natural resource like water. For example, in the Bangalore, the residents are depending on the nearby states to get fluid for daily usage. The increasing in the count of water tanker is an evidence for this. Secondly, due to the demand of more apartments and the lack of space to dump the waste from houses, the pollution is getting increased in the urban sides. Moreover, the kids who are residing in these areas are having contagious and chronic diseases due to the contamination of air and water. For instance, in a recent survey conducted in Bangalore, reveals that more than 10 kids in the 50 numbers are under the chances of having the chronic illness. On the other hand, if the industries suddenly plans to move to the villages, then the peoples who are settled in the town side will undergo a pressure to migrate to the inner side, leaving their houses and lands they have purchased and built as a long term investment. For example, I have purchased an apartment in the Bangalore using the loan benefits and feel negative to shift to the industries coming into villages. In conclusion, the suggestion to migrate the companies and factories in the rural area is a good decision and have more advantages than the disadvantages.
Nowadays, a group of
people
, argue to
stop
building and expanding the
big
companies
and the industries in the town limit and
suggest to shift
the expansion to the inner portion of a country. In my opinion, the planning to
move
the large factories and offices have more benefits than the drawbacks. The following essay state points to support my view.

Firstly
, it has
been observed
that, in the cities, due to the better job opportunities and the exposure to the outer world, there is a rise in the population. An increasing rate in the population, results in the scarcity in the natural resource like water.
For example
, in the Bangalore, the residents
are depending
on the nearby states to
get
fluid for daily usage. The increasing in the count of water tanker is an evidence for this.

Secondly
, due to the demand of more apartments and the lack of space to dump the waste from
houses
, the pollution is getting increased in the urban sides.
Moreover
, the kids who are residing in these areas are having contagious and chronic diseases due to the contamination of air and water.
For instance
, in a recent survey conducted in Bangalore, reveals that more than 10 kids in the 50 numbers are under the chances of having the chronic illness.

On the other hand
, if the industries
suddenly
plans to
move
to the villages, then the peoples who
are settled
in the town side will undergo a pressure to migrate to the inner side, leaving their
houses
and lands they have
purchased
and built as a long term investment.
For example
, I have
purchased
an apartment in the Bangalore using the loan benefits and feel
negative
to shift to the industries coming into villages.

In conclusion
, the suggestion to migrate the
companies
and factories in the rural area is a
good
decision and have more advantages than the disadvantages.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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IELTS essay tpo36-1What advice would you give to a child just starting school? Why do you think this advice will be helpful to the child? . v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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