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Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete while other believe that children learn teamwork Discuss both views and give your opinion v.1

Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete while other believe that children learn teamwork 1
The ways of communication have been altered drastically in the past few decades, instead of writing handwritten letters which would take days to reach the destination, now we can send a message in just a matter of seconds. Be it formal or informal the means of communication has been modernised to save time, efforts and cost. I am a strong supporter of the advanced communication methods and would like to delineate its pros and cons in this essay. For centuries we have been trying to improve the way we share information and today we are in a place where we can say conveying a particular message has more ways than the clothes in our closet, this helps us in many more ways than we can image. Recently a statistic provided by Cambridge University yielded that in the last decade the admits of international students have risen substantially, owing to the new admission methodology they have adopted such as scoring the students based on a questionnaire shared to their reference rather than sending a reference letter of a particular format. Students are no longer judged based on pre-defined templates rather based on the merit in the factors the university cares for. We all can still send letters via emails, but that always leaves us more inclined to express our needs which may get in a way of judging based on the real cause. Questionnaires, surveys, feedbacks and may more ways have been ingrained in our lives to cater us better. Today, if we want a new connection of any service, we don't have to send a letter without details and then follow the chain of emails, rather we can just fill out an online form, that's it resolving our issues in an efficient manner. Not only this reduces the communication noise that we need to follow, but also simplifies the process, also complementing us with an option to provide feedbacks in a matter of minutes so that we can be catered well in future. In conclusion, I would like to say, we still might write letters for various reasons, but modern communication has provided us with better arms to deal with different scenarios in an efficient manner rather than a monolithic approach to it.
The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
have
been altered
drastically
in the past few decades,
instead
of writing handwritten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
which would take days to reach the destination,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a message in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a matter of seconds. Be it formal or informal the means of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has been
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernised' is British English.
modernised
to save time, efforts and cost. I am a strong supporter of the advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
methods and would like to delineate its pros and cons in this essay.

For
The comma is probably missing here: "centuries, we".
centuries we
have been trying to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
we share information and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we are in a place where we can say conveying a particular message has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
than the clothes in our closet, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
than we can image. Recently a statistic provided by Cambridge University yielded that in the last decade the admits of international students have risen
substantially
, owing to the new admission methodology they have adopted such as scoring the students based on a questionnaire shared to their reference
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than sending a reference
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
of a particular format. Students are no longer judged based on
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-defined
templates
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
based on the merit in the factors the university cares for.

We all can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
via emails,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
us more inclined to express our needs which may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
way
of judging based on the real cause. Questionnaires, surveys, feedbacks and may more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ways
have
been ingrained
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to cater us better.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, if we want a new connection of any service, we don't
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letter
without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
and then follow the chain of emails,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
we can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
fill out an online form, that's it resolving our issues
Consider replacing "in an efficient manner" with the adverb for "efficient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficient manner
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
noise that we need to follow,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
simplifies the process,
also
complementing us with an option to provide feedbacks in a matter of minutes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can
be catered
well
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.

In conclusion
, I would like to say, we
still
might write
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
letters
for various reasons,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
communication
has provided us with better arms to deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
scenarios
Consider replacing "in an efficient manner" with the adverb for "efficient"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an efficient manner
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rather
than a monolithic approach to it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that sport teaches children how to compete while other believe that children learn teamwork 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
373 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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