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Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. To what extent do you agree or disagree that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goals? v.2

Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goals? v. 2
Many people consider that making materials and goods should be a prime target to all nations. Personally, while I agree with the viewpoint, I believe that several countries may concentrate on other spheres. On the one hand, it is undeniable that the economies of many countries will increase significantly, should the countries product products. This is because they are able to export their goods to a diversity of other countries, by virtue of the international trade. China, the biggest manufacturer in the globe, for example, has become the second biggest economic nation for many years, thanks to the production of goods. Additionally, the inhabitants are likely to afford various domestic products. In fact, they may buy products which are reasonably priced, instead of prohibitively priced foreign products, since the indoor products have no import taxes. On the other hand, I think that some merits of other fields have much discussed. First, some countries are capable of investing funds in the tourism industry. They may capitalize on the beauty of nature or the cultures of their countries to develop tourism. In Thailand, for instance, the governments focused on services and advertising of the tourism destinations in order to introduce Thailand tourism. Therefore, every year, there are thousands of visitors coming to there, so the country earns millions of dollars per year. Second, several nations can invest in entertainment. For example, in South Korea, a new research showed that the nation gets about three billion dollars per year because foreigners come to there to join music shows of BTS, one of the well-known music groups in the world. In conclusion, although there are many benefits of making goods to every nation, I think that other fields, including the tourism or the entertainment, should be goals of many countries.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider that making materials and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
should be a prime target to all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
Personally
, while I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the viewpoint, I believe that several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
may concentrate on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
spheres.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that the economies of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
will increase
significantly
, should the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "countries'" or "country's"?
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are able to export their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
to a diversity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, by virtue of the international trade. China, the biggest manufacturer in the globe,
for example
, has become the second biggest economic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years, thanks to the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
.
Additionally
, the inhabitants are likely to afford various domestic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
. In fact, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
which are
reasonably
priced,
instead
of
prohibitively
priced foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
, since the indoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
have no import taxes.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields have much discussed.
First
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are capable of investing funds in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
industry. They may capitalize on the beauty of nature or the cultures of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
. In Thailand,
for instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
focused on services and advertising of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
destinations in order to introduce Thailand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
.
Therefore
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
, there are thousands of visitors coming to there,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
earns millions of dollars per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Second, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
can invest in entertainment.
For example
, in South Korea, a new research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
about three billion dollars per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
foreigners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to there to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
music
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
of BTS, one of the well-known music groups in the world.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits of making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
to every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nation
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fields, including the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
or the entertainment, should be goals of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Many people assume that the goal of every country should be to produce more materials and goods. that constantly increasing production is an appropriate goals? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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