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Some people feel that entertainers such as popstars sports stars and musicians are paid to much money. Do you agree or disgree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v.1

Some people feel that entertainers such as popstars sports stars and musicians are paid to much money. Do you agree or disgree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 1
Celebrities are famous individuals whose presence, influence the society. They are paid large amount of money to assure their presence. Certain classes of people believe that, they are overpaid for their services. I also believe that they should not be paid a hefty sum to entertain people. To begin with, Popstars, Filmstars and musician perform to entertain the audience. They only perform for a few hours, but their charges are in millions of dollars. There is no satisfaction guaranteed with their performance. The public can feel cheated if the performance is not as per their expectation. For instance, Justin Bieber a Popstar from United Kingdom visited India in 2018. He performed in Mumbai a city in India. All his fans paid a high cost for the tickets. As the show moved on, people observed that he was not even singing but lip syncing. The audience became furious and were left dissatisfied. Therefore, paying famous entertainers for a few hours without guarantee of entertainment is not justified. Moreover, Companies pay celebrities for brand endorsements. There is no guarantee that it will lead to the sale of the product. A variety of Consumer Product companies prefer to have top celebrities to be the face of their product. For example, Sachin Tendulkar, a top cricketer from Indian Cricket Team was endorsing a product "Boost" an energy drink which is consumed by children below 12 years. No survey was ever conducted saying that the sale increased after the company signed him. As a result, a Sports star does not deserve the credit for the fees which they receive for endorsements. I am of the opinion that, there are many jobs which are not in the limelight. Teachers who teach the younger generation in schools should be paid more than celebrities. With their teaching skills they can enhance the skill sets of an adolescent. Training for expertise is a difficult task which should be encouraged by increasing their compensation. In conclusion, entertainers should only charge for entertaining their audience and endorsing brands should be justified as they do not deserve excess funds. Teaching being a noble profession should be encouraged and their fees should be increased as they cater to the development of the youth.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Celebrities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
individuals whose presence, influence the society. They are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
large amount of money to assure their presence. Certain classes of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that, they are overpaid for their services. I
also
believe that they should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
a hefty sum to entertain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Popstars
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Filmstars
and musician perform to entertain the audience. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
perform for a few hours,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their charges are in millions of dollars. There is no satisfaction guaranteed with their performance. The public can feel cheated if the performance is not as per their expectation.
For instance
, Justin Bieber a
Possible spelling mistake found.
Popstar
A determiner is probably missing here: "from the United Kingdom".
from United Kingdom
visited India in 2018. He performed in Mumbai a city in India. All his fans
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
a high cost for the tickets. As the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
moved
on,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
observed that he was not even singing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
lip syncing
. The audience became furious and were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
dissatisfied.
Therefore
, paying
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
entertainers for a few hours without guarantee of entertainment is not justified.

Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Companies
pay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
for brand endorsements. There is no guarantee that it will lead to the sale of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. A variety of Consumer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Product
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to have top
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
to be the face of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
, a top cricketer from Indian Cricket Team was endorsing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
Boost
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
an energy drink which
is consumed
by children below 12 years. No survey was ever conducted saying that the sale increased after the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
signed him.
As a result
, a Sports star does not deserve the credit for the fees which they receive for endorsements.

I am of the opinion that, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
jobs which are not in the limelight. Teachers who teach the younger generation in schools should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
paid
more than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
. With their teaching
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
they can enhance the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets of an adolescent. Training for expertise is a difficult task which should
be encouraged
by increasing their compensation.

In conclusion
, entertainers should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
charge for entertaining their audience and endorsing brands should
be justified
as they do not deserve excess funds. Teaching being a noble profession should
be encouraged
and their fees should
be increased
as they cater to the development of the youth.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people feel that entertainers such as popstars sports stars and musicians are paid to much money. Do you agree or disgree? Which other types of job should be highly paid? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
370 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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