Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

TPO32#2---Do you Agree or Disagree with the following statement? Because the World is Changing so Quickly, people are now less Happy with Their Lives or less satisfied than people were in the Past Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer. v.2

TPO32#2--- Because the World is Changing so Quickly, people are now less Happy with Their Lives or less satisfied than people were in the Past Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer. v. 2
The changing of the world around us has a great impact on our lives. Everything around us is changing in a very fast way that sometimes make it hard for people to accommodate. Some people are less happy and less satisfied with their lives due to this change, while others do not. I believe that people now are having more stressful lives and not satisfied than people were in the past. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, people are less happy because they have stressful lives. Nowadays, everyone has to work hard to achieve his or her goal especially with the increase competition around us. Students have to study hard for better career and better future. People have to work hard to have better lives. As you can see everyone is busy and have limited time to enjoy life. Take my husband as an example of this reality. He is a pharmacist and is working in a retail pharmacy. He usually spends more than eight hours every day at work and it takes him more than two hours commuting to work, so probably he spends around ten hours out of home. During this time, he goes through a lot of stress. At work, he has to deal with different people with different personalities and he has to be patient with some of them and this sometimes stressed him a lot. He has to do a lot of paper work and other responsibilities that usually exhausted him. After a very hard day at work and two hours driving, he usually came back home stressed and tired and this, in turn, makes him unhappy and cannot enjoy his time. This is one story similar to a lot of people today. Moreover, the advanced technology now makes people less satisfied. Every day there are new inventions like new cell phones, T. V with advanced features, cars with more options. People usually like to keep with the updated technology. They like to get the most advanced electronics. My son is a great example. He had all the Play station versions and when the Play station 4 showed in the market, he kept begging me to buy it for him. Although, he had Play station 3, he never satisfied with it and wanted the new one, since the new one is more advanced with more features and perfect resolution. Another day, he came asking for a new cell phone with more options. This was not the situation in the past because people had limited or no advanced technology. This demonstrates that with the increase in the innovations, people become less satisfied with what they have. All in all, I totally agree that people are less happy and less satisfied than people were in the past. This is because people now have more stressful lives and because the introduction of the advanced technology.
The changing of the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
us has a great impact on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Everything
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
us is changing in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
way that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to accommodate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
happy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfied
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
due to this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, while others do not. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are having more stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfied
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were in the past. I feel this way for two main reasons which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
happy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. Nowadays, everyone
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to achieve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
goal
especially
with the increase competition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
us. Students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
for better career and better future.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
to have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
. As you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everyone is busy and have limited time to enjoy life. Take my husband as an example of this reality. He is a pharmacist and is working in a retail pharmacy. He
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
spends more than eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
every day at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and it takes him more than two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
commuting to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
probably
he spends
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
around
ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
out of home. During this time, he goes through a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. At
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
deal with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
personalities and
he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be patient with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them and this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
him a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
. He
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of paper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and other responsibilities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
exhausted him. After a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hard
day at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
driving, he
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
came back home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and tired and this, in turn,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him unhappy and cannot enjoy his time. This is one story similar to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
.

Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfied
. Every day there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
inventions like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cell phones, T. V with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
features, cars with more options.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
usually
like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
with the updated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. They like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
electronics. My son is a great example. He had all the Play station versions and when the Play station 4
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
in the market, he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
begging me to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
it for him. Although, he had Play station 3, he never
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfied
with it and wanted the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
one is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
with more features and perfect resolution. Another day, he came asking for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
cell phone with more options. This was not the situation in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had limited or no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. This demonstrates that with the increase in the innovations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfied
with what they have.

All in all, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
happy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
satisfied
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were in the past. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have more stressful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the introduction of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
77Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO32#2--- Because the World is Changing so Quickly, people are now less Happy with Their Lives or less satisfied than people were in the Past Use specific examples and Reasons to Support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
490 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts