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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Because the world is changing so quickly people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v.1

Because the world is changing so quickly people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1
Nowadays, the increase in average life expectancy has been receiving a great deal of public attention in industrialized nations. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, some feasible solutions can be considered to address these potential problems There are a number of problems related to this trend. First, since the demand for health care of elderly people is likely higher, more money would need to be allocated to health care for them. In fact, paying for these costs may probably be a heavy financial burden to their offspring, which could prevent them from having time for dating and having a family of their own. Second, as there will be an increase in the proportion of retired people claiming pension benefits, the proportion of younger, working adults will be smaller. This means that the government will face up to the combination of higher pension spending and lower tax revenues, which can seriously affect government spending and the economy as a whole. However, there are several actions that could be taken to solve the problems mentioned above. Firstly, if the state increases the retirement age for working adults, perhaps from 65 to 70, people will need to work longer. This means that they would pay more in taxes, reducing the cost of government pensions. Secondly, in order to increase the number of working adults who pay taxes, the administration should encourage the immigration of working people from less developed countries. For example, more and more Vietnamese come to Germany to work after enrolling in some requirement vocational training courses due to the good labour policies for immigrant workers of this nation, which leads to reduce effectively the workforce absences. In conclusion, various measures can be implemented to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the populations of countries grow older.
Nowadays, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in average life expectancy has been receiving a great deal of public attention in industrialized nations. Although there will
undoubtedly
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this trend,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible solutions can
be considered
to address these potential
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
problems


There are a number of problems related to this trend.
First
, since the demand for health care of elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is likely higher, more money would need to
be allocated
to health care for them. In fact, paying for these costs may
probably
be a heavy financial burden to their offspring, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
them from having time for dating and having a family of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Second, as there will be an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in the proportion of retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claiming pension benefits, the proportion of younger,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
adults will be smaller. This means that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
will face up to the combination of higher pension spending and lower tax revenues, which can
seriously
affect
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
spending and the economy as a whole.

However
, there are several actions that could
be taken
to solve the problems mentioned above.
Firstly
, if the state
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increases
the retirement age for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
adults, perhaps from 65 to 70,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will need to work longer. This means that they would pay more in taxes, reducing the cost of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
pensions.
Secondly
, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
adults who pay taxes, the administration should encourage the immigration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.
For example
, more and more Vietnamese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to Germany to work after enrolling in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
requirement vocational training courses due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
policies for immigrant workers of this nation, which leads to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
effectively
the workforce absences.

In conclusion
, various measures can
be implemented
to tackle the problems that are certain to arise as the populations of countries grow older.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay Because the world is changing so quickly people now are less happy or less satisfied with their lives than people were in the past Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
304 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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