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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? The personal and work-related challenges that young people face today are not any different from the challenges their parents and grandparents faced when they were young. v.245

The personal and work-related challenges that young people face today are not any different from the challenges their parents and grandparents faced when they were young. v. 245
In recent times, advertising is becoming increasingly popular. Some people believe that the ways commercials are aired immorally and unacceptable in society. I completely agree with this view because many adverts contain inappropriate scenes, and this could affect the younger generation negatively. Many commercial display inappropriate pictures. They incorporate beautiful models that are dressed in their underwear to persuade their customers. It is unethical because the product advertised do not have any relationship with the models. It does not give extra information about the product. They are placed there to appeal to the customers and bring more attention to the advert. For example, in a Mazda car advert, two ladies were dressed in their underwear while washing the car. It is unacceptable because it does not give extra details but to seduce the viewers. Adverts like this should be rejected due to inappropriate content. Furthermore, many adverts contain false information. They give the viewers unrealistic expectations. It could also mean deliberately omitting relevant details so that people are not discouraged from buying it. For instance, many weight loss products advertised do not work as expected. It usually takes longer than expected before a significant effect is noticed on the weight, so they would either remove that information and focus on the results. They do this because many people are more interested in the outcome, and they only inquire more details when they have started using the product. In conclusion, some people think that the methods employed in adverts nowadays are unethical and inappropriate. I believe some contain immoral scenes and give wrong or incomplete information about the product
In recent times, advertising is becoming
increasingly
popular.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the ways commercials
are aired
immorally
and unacceptable in society. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverts contain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inappropriate
scenes, and this could affect the younger generation
negatively
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
commercial display
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inappropriate
pictures. They incorporate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
models that
are dressed
in their underwear to persuade their customers. It is unethical
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
advertised do not have any relationship with the models. It does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
extra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. They
are placed
there to appeal to the customers and bring more attention to the advert.
For example
, in a Mazda car advert, two ladies
were dressed
in their underwear while washing the car. It is unacceptable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it does not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
extra
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to seduce the viewers. Adverts like this should
be rejected
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inappropriate
content.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
adverts contain false
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
the viewers unrealistic expectations. It could
also
mean
deliberately
omitting relevant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not discouraged from buying it.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
weight loss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
advertised do not work as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
. It
usually
takes longer than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a significant effect
is noticed
on the weight,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they would either remove that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
and focus on the results. They do this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more interested in the outcome, and they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
inquire more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
when they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
using the product.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the methods employed in adverts nowadays are unethical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
inappropriate
. I believe
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
contain immoral scenes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
or incomplete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
about the
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
product
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The personal and work-related challenges that young people face today are not any different from the challenges their parents and grandparents faced when they were young. v. 245

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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