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Children should receive money for doing household tasks such as cleaning. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion v.1

Children should receive money for doing household tasks such as cleaning. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion v. 1
Over the last few years, obesity has become a serious issue. These days, it affects an increasing number of both youngsters and grownups. This naturally leads us to the question. Why many societies are facing the trouble of fatness? This essay will look at the core reasons for this and propose some solid solutions. One of the main causes of overweight is the high intake of junk food such as burgers, pizzas, chips and fried chicken. Many people prefer to have a takeaway meal or pre-prepared food in the supermarket, which contains high salt and fat, rather than cooking a healthy meal at home. For instance, many youngsters in India, particularly in Hyderabad city, eat Samosa, Chinese Food, Barbecue, and other fast foods late at night, which now has become a trend. The solution is for the government to increase the tax on any food that is considered to be unhealthy. Another problem is that fewer and fewer persons are doing sports and physical activities. This is because of the high cost of gym registration and lacking playground facilities. By this, I mean that due to a colossal surge in population more and more land is occupied for residence and shortening the area of playgrounds and parks. As a result, many people are away from the gym and outdoor workout. To address this, the sports authority should sanction more money for sports and gym, so that many persons would hopefully do sports and consequently start to lose weight. The third cause of the problem is the sedentary lifestyle. This is due to the fact that technology made people lazier than before. People get easy access to private bikes and cars, which have reduced walking and cycling habits. It is becoming popular that youngsters are using bikes all the time to go to their destinations, even if it can be reached by bicycle or on foot. The way forward might be for the government to increase the price of oil and subsidized bicycle or other healthy exercise equipment. To sum up, obesity becomes an increasingly worrying issue affecting the wide range of age groups; this is due to reasons such as eating habits, lack of exercise, and a rise in the comfort level of people. This is a serious problem unless the government and people take combine efforts. Action must be taken urgently; otherwise many people will face even more serious problems of health.
Over the last few years, obesity has become a serious issue. These days, it affects an increasing number of both youngsters and grownups. This
naturally
leads us to the question. Why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies are facing the trouble of fatness? This essay will look at the core reasons for this and propose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solid solutions.

One of the main causes of overweight is the high intake of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as burgers, pizzas, chips and fried chicken.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have a takeaway meal or
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre-prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in the supermarket, which contains high salt and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
,
rather
than cooking a healthy meal at home.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
youngsters in India,
particularly
in Hyderabad city, eat Samosa, Chinese
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
, Barbecue, and other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
late at night, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has become a trend. The solution is for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to increase the tax on any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that
is considered
to be unhealthy.

Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is that fewer and fewer persons are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and physical activities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high cost of gym registration and lacking playground facilities. By this, I mean that due to a colossal surge in population more and more land
is occupied
for residence and shortening the area of playgrounds and parks.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are away from the gym and outdoor workout. To address this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
authority should sanction more money for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and gym,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
persons would
hopefully
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
and
consequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to lose weight.

The third cause of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
is the sedentary lifestyle.
This is due to the fact that
technology made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lazier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easy access to private bikes and cars, which have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
walking and cycling habits. It is becoming popular that youngsters are using bikes all the time to go to their destinations, even if it can
be reached
by bicycle or on foot. The way forward might be for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to increase the price of oil and subsidized bicycle or other healthy exercise equipment.

To sum up, obesity becomes an
increasingly
worrying issue affecting the wide range of age groups; this is due to reasons such as eating habits, lack of exercise, and a rise in the comfort level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is a serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
unless the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
take combine efforts. Action
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
urgently
;
otherwise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will face even more serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of health.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Children should receive money for doing household tasks such as cleaning. Use specific examples and details to support your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
403 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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