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More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life but city life can be extremely difficult Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city How can governments make urban life better for everyone v.14

More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life but city life can be extremely difficult Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city How can governments make urban life better for everyone v. 14
As more of us are increasingly commute back and forth internationally due to globalization and cheap flights, some might claim that travelling does improve the appreciation for each country. Personally, I absolutely agree with this assertion and those avid travellers indeed understand and show greater respect to other cultures than those staying at home. There are several reasons why tourism could lead to better understanding of other traditions and customs. Firstly, as travellers go to isolated untouched parts of the world, stay with locals and learn about their culture and way of life, this no doubt results in strengthening the relationship between people from different backgrounds, which is a vital factor in appreciating distinct lifestyles and traditions. A family, for instance, reported that they had become more knowledgeable and been able to live comfortably in nature thanks to their stay with an Amazon tribal. Secondly, having opportunities to talk to someone who might not share the same values can indeed make a difference to people’s prejudice toward a unique convention, thus encourage us to appreciate it. On the other hand, those people prefer to stay in one place might argue that it is by no means necessary to travel to each place in order to treasure the value of some distant communities. They point to modern technology, such as the computer and the Internet which allow people to look into the outside world without leaving their desks. However, it is no doubt true that not all traditions and tribal lifestyles can be found on the Internet. In fact, there are some tribes living completely separate from the rest of the world and the only solution to know and appreciate those people is to meet them in person and stay with them for a period of time. In conclusion, it appears to me that travel does help us all to show respect to different cultures and I do not believe that modern inventions could fully assist us to achieve this desirable aim.
As more of us are
increasingly
Consider using "commute".
commute back and forth
internationally
due to globalization and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
flights,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
might claim that travelling does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the appreciation for each country.
Personally
, I
absolutely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this assertion and those avid
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
indeed
understand and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
greater respect to other cultures than those staying at home.

There are several reasons why tourism could lead to better understanding of other traditions and customs.
Firstly
, as
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
go to isolated untouched parts of the world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with locals and learn about their culture and way of life, this no doubt results in strengthening the relationship between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
backgrounds, which is a vital factor in appreciating distinct lifestyles and traditions. A family,
for instance
, reported that they had become more knowledgeable and been able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
comfortably
in nature thanks to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with an Amazon tribal.
Secondly
, having opportunities to talk to someone who might not share the same values can
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
prejudice toward a unique convention,
thus
encourage us to appreciate it.

On the other hand
, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
in one place might argue that it is by no means necessary to travel to each place in order to treasure the value of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
distant communities. They point to modern technology, such as the computer and the Internet which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to look into the outside world without leaving their desks.
However
, it is no doubt true that not all traditions and tribal lifestyles can
be found
on the Internet. In fact, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
tribes living completely separate from the rest of the world and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solution to know and appreciate those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them in person and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
with them for a period of time.

In conclusion
, it appears to me that travel does
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us all to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
respect to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures and I do not believe that modern inventions could
fully
assist us to achieve this desirable aim.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay More and more people are migrating to cities in search of a better life but city life can be extremely difficult Explain some of the difficulties of living in a city How can governments make urban life better for everyone v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
331 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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