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TPO28-2: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? To protect the health of young children, advertisements for candy and junk food should not be shown on television. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v.1

TPO28-2: To protect the health of young children, advertisements for candy and junk food should not be shown on television. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v. 1
Cooking is thought by numerous people as an important basic skill that must be educated with children in the academy, while some people think that it is wasting time in school. In my opinion, I completely agree that learning to cook is a significant skill which should be learned by kids in school. People whether adults or kids, they live through the day by consuming food and drinks, but the difference between food and drinks is that drinks did not require any skill to obtain, while food required ability to cook, and by cooking it is also included an ability to know which ingredients are edible. By that reason, if children had no skill in cooking, it can bring bad things to the kids. For example, allergies to food or something worse than that which can be a life-threatening situation. Furthermore, kids go to academy to collected everything they could, and cooking is a real-life career, by this class, it will create more job for youngsters. However, teaching kids a cooking class could be a waste of the valuable time, because from the moment and in the future, there will be much more fast food and food ready to eat, which can be bought from the convenience store, or being delivered by a delivery business. The main reason community markets business is dying can refer that people are not interested in cooking anymore. Therefore, teaching youngsters while cooking trend is going downward will benefit no kids at all. In conclusion, by the year 2019, we cannot predict how cooking will be in the future, and from the point of advantages and disadvantages of learning a cooking skill, it still has better to educate them than leaving it behind.
Cooking is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be educated
with children in the academy, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it is wasting time in school. In my opinion, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that learning to cook is a significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
which should
be learned
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in school.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
whether adults or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
through the day by consuming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and drinks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and drinks is that drinks did not require any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
to obtain, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
required ability to cook, and by cooking it is
also
included an ability to know which ingredients are edible. By that reason, if children had no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
in cooking, it can bring
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
things to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
.
For example
, allergies to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or something worse than that which can be a life-threatening situation.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
go to academy to collected everything they could, and cooking is a real-life career, by this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, it will create more job for youngsters.

However
, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
a cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
could be a waste of the valuable time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
from the moment and in the future, there will be much more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
ready to eat, which can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
from the convenience store, or
being delivered
by a delivery business. The main reason community markets business is dying can refer that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are not interested in cooking anymore.
Therefore
, teaching youngsters while cooking trend is going downward will benefit no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
at all.

In conclusion
, by the year 2019, we cannot predict how cooking will be in the future, and from the point of advantages and disadvantages of learning a cooking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, it
still
has better to educate them than leaving it behind.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn a language, and you’ll avoid a war.
Arab Proverb

IELTS essay TPO28-2: To protect the health of young children, advertisements for candy and junk food should not be shown on television. Use specific reasons and details in your response. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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