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Some people say that the design of newly constructed buildings in big cities should be controlled by governments. Others insist that there should be no regulation to design buildings. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people say that the design of newly constructed buildings in big cities should be controlled by governments. Others insist that there should be no regulation to design buildings. v. 1
There has been an upsurge of interest in finding the proper way to shape the children's personalities. As a result, some people see it is the full responsibility of the parents to discover the most appropriate method and encourage their minors to enrol in, whereas others constantly believe that it is the full will of children to decide what to do in future and family has nothing to deal with in that matter. From my perspective, it is part of the parental duty to guide the minors for essential activities that sculpture their characters unless they won't shape their future entirely. Parental supervision is undoubtedly required. This is because they have gone through sheer of life difficulties and thus, knowing what would be better or worse for their toddlers in the future. Therefore, they keen on finding out the necessary skills which eventually enable their children to maximise the profits and minimise the losses in their youth. To easily illustrate, contemporary parents are involving their adolescents into intensive computer programming courses as it has been considered a remarkable skill to obtain highly paid professions in the next few decades and thus, ensuring the career life of their children. On the other hand, allowing adolescents to find what could suit them is the chief factor of building the sense of the independence in their personalities. This is because it is not only helping in increasing their awareness to their atmosphere, but also improving their analytical capabilities to the encountered situations and hence, making the right decisions. For instance, Swedish children are allowed to select their desired future jobs, by simply providing several job-related toys, with prototype pieces to boost their imaginary powers about the proposed duties of each occupation and eventually, choosing their jobs in the adulthood. Having discussed whether children themselves or their parents have to choose the proper direction for a better future for children, I firmly believe that it is still one of the principle roles of the parents as long as it won't draw the entire life of children. Therefore, things which improve child communication capability, such as multilingualism, would be fine, but job-related skills, such as programming, shouldn't be decided by parents.
There has been an upsurge of interest in finding the proper way to shape the children's personalities.
As a result
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it is the full responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to discover the most appropriate method and encourage their minors to enrol in, whereas others
constantly
believe that it is the full will of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to decide what to do in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
and family has nothing to deal with in that matter. From my perspective, it is part of the parental duty to guide the minors for essential activities that sculpture their characters unless they won't shape their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
entirely
.

Parental supervision is
undoubtedly
required. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have gone through sheer of life difficulties and
thus
, knowing what would be better or worse for their toddlers in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Therefore
, they keen on finding out the necessary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which
eventually
enable their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
Possible spelling mistake. 'maximise' is British English.
maximise
the profits and
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimise' is British English.
minimise
the losses in their youth. To
easily
illustrate, contemporary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
The verb 'involving' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are involving
their adolescents into intensive computer programming courses as it has
been considered
a remarkable
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to obtain
highly
paid professions in the
next
few decades and
thus
, ensuring the career life of their children.

On the other hand
, allowing adolescents to find what could suit them is the chief factor of building the sense of the independence in their personalities. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helping in increasing their awareness to their atmosphere,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
improving their analytical capabilities to the encountered situations and
hence
, making the right decisions.
For instance
, Swedish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to select their desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
jobs, by
simply
providing several job-related toys, with prototype pieces to boost their imaginary powers about the proposed duties of each occupation and
eventually
, choosing their jobs in the adulthood.

Having discussed whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
themselves or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
choose the proper direction for a better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, I
firmly
believe that it is
still
one of the principle roles of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as long as it won't draw the entire life of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Therefore
, things which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
child communication capability, such as multilingualism, would be fine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
job-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, such as programming, shouldn't
be decided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people say that the design of newly constructed buildings in big cities should be controlled by governments. Others insist that there should be no regulation to design buildings. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
366 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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