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Scientists agree that many people are eating too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problems can be solved by educating people to eat less junk food. Other people believe that education will not work. Discuss both v.1

Scientists agree that many people are eating too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problems can be solved by educating people to eat less junk food. Other people believe that education will not work. 1
In today's world of modernization, a section of society considers the human body to be a temple. Smoking is considered to be a filthy habit associated with the various dangers, yet smokers continue to exist. In this essay, I would like to explain various causes behind the rise of tobacco use and suggest methods to tackle this problem at hand. There are 3 major causes behind this trend. Firstly, data suggest that people who are stressed tend to be smokers. The reason behind this is that smoking is considered to relieve stress, but what most people don't understand is that this relief is temporary while the harmful effects are permanent. Secondly, peer pressure is a major reason behind people picking up the dirty habit of cigarette abuse. For example, school students are harming their own bodies to appear cool. Therefore, increasing the number tobacco users. Thirdly, teenagers are resorting to this as a result of boredom. Thus, they are using cigars instead of utilising their time to do productive work. This issue can be tackled using 4 major methods. Primarily, banning smoking in public places is a step in the right direction. As a result, it not only reduces the number of cigarettes smoked by a particular person, but it also decreases exposure to secondhand smoke. Furthermore, awareness about the dangerous exposure of chemicals present in a tobacco product is a need of the hour. This can be started in schools and universities and also extend to shopping malls and marketplaces in the form of advertising. In addition to this, smokers should be encouraged to quit smoking by enrolling themselves in rehab centres and using nicotine gums and lozenges which help during the withdrawal period. In conclusion, I strongly believe that these steps can indeed help us combat the rise in the number of smokers and help us create a smoke-free world in the near future.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world of modernization, a section of society considers the human body to be a temple.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Smoking
is considered
to be a filthy habit associated with the various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
,
yet
smokers continue to exist. In this essay, I would like to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
various causes behind the rise of tobacco
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and suggest methods to tackle this problem at hand.

There are 3 major causes behind this trend.
Firstly
, data suggest that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
tend to be smokers. The reason behind this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
is considered
to relieve
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
what most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
don't understand is that this relief is temporary while the harmful effects are permanent.
Secondly
, peer pressure is a major reason behind
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
picking up the dirty habit of cigarette abuse.
For example
, school students are harming their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bodies to appear cool.
Therefore
, increasing the number tobacco users.
Thirdly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are resorting to this
as a result
of boredom.
Thus
, they are using cigars
instead
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilising' is British English.
utilising
their time to do productive work.

This issue can
be tackled
using 4 major methods.
Primarily
, banning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
in public places is a step in the right direction.
As a result
, it not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the number of cigarettes smoked by a particular person,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
decreases exposure to secondhand smoke.
Furthermore
, awareness about the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
exposure of chemicals present in a tobacco product is a need of the hour. This can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in schools and universities and
also
extend to shopping malls and marketplaces in the form of advertising.
In addition
to this, smokers should
be encouraged
to quit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
smoking
by enrolling themselves in rehab
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
and using nicotine gums and lozenges which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
during the withdrawal period.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that these steps can
indeed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us combat the rise in the number of smokers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us create a smoke-free world in the near future.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Scientists agree that many people are eating too much junk food and it is damaging their health. Some people think that this problems can be solved by educating people to eat less junk food. Other people believe that education will not work. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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