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TPO26It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ jobs. Agree or disagree? v.1

TPO26It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ jobs. Agree or disagree? v. 1
Publicity plays a vital role in building a reputation of the company or a product. As we are aware advertisement has a direct implication on a consumer choice, however, it is argued that some practices of advertising used, can be unacceptable. In my essay I will share my views on the same. Moreover, we see a huge amount of money spend on publicity. The marketing of products is a gimmick. Where sometimes in order to gain more publicity the products are showcased wrongly. For examples some sports stars promote high content of sugar drinks which can be detrimental for health. In addition, the huge amount of money spent on advertising can only be afforded by the big companies, who generally have an extensive budget kept aside for marketing, whereas smaller companies cannot afford such expenses. This leads in building a monopoly of the commodity in the market, which has negative implications for the society. Although, advertising helps in generating income, it also helps in educating the consumer on the products available in the market. Publicity done of products by big celebrities can increase the sales of the commodity and also increase its market share. This also helps in providing employment and generating huge revenues for the society. In addition, with the help of advertising the consumer will be able to make a choice to buy the product. In conclusion, advertising plays an important role and it is the responsibility to project the right product for the benefit of the consumers. The government should put strict laws in place to avoid any unethical and unacceptable methods used to gain publicity.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Publicity
plays a vital role in building a reputation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
. As we are aware advertisement has a direct implication on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
choice,
however
, it
is argued
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practices of advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, can be unacceptable. In my essay I will share my views on the same.

Moreover
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a huge amount of money spend on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publicity
. The marketing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is a gimmick.
“Where” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
in order to gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publicity
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
are showcased
wrongly
. For examples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports stars promote high content of sugar drinks which can be detrimental for health.
In addition
, the huge amount of money spent on advertising can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
be afforded
by the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, who
generally
have an extensive budget
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
aside for marketing, whereas smaller
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
cannot afford such expenses. This leads in building a monopoly of the commodity in the market, which has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
implications for the society.

Although, advertising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in generating income, it
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in educating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
available in the market.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Publicity
done of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
celebrities can increase the sales of the commodity and
also
increase its market share. This
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
in providing employment and generating huge revenues for the society.
In addition
, with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
of advertising the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumer
will be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a choice to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the product.

In conclusion
, advertising plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role and it is the responsibility to project the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
for the benefit of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumers
. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should put strict laws in place to avoid any unethical and unacceptable methods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publicity
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO26It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ jobs. Agree or disagree? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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