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TPO18Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v.1

TPO18 Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 1
Publicity plays a vital role in building a reputation of the company or a product. As we are aware advertisement has a direct implication on a consumer choice. However, it is argued that some practices of advertising used, can be unacceptable and immoral. In my essay I will share my views on the same. On one hand, we see a huge amount of money spend on publicity. The marketing of products is a gimmick, as it encourages people to buy products they may not need or cannot afford. Children and young people in particular are influenced by adverts showing the latest toys, clothing or music and this can put enormous pressure on the parents to buy these products. Furthermore, sometimes in order to gain more publicity the products portray a wrong image. For example, some sports stars promote high content of sugar drinks which can be detrimental for health. In addition, the advertising of tobacco products and alcohol has long been a controversial issue, but cigarette adverts have only recently been banned in many countries. It is quite possible that alcohol adverts encourage excessive consumption and underage drinking, yet restrictions have not been placed on this type of advertising in the same way as smoking. This kind of advertising has an adverse effect on a persons health. In conclusion, It is certainly true, that people are constantly being encouraged to buy products or services that might be too expensive, unnecessary or even unhealthy. However, aspects of advertising do appear to be morally wrong and are not acceptable in today's society.
Publicity plays a vital role in building a reputation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
we are aware advertisement has a direct implication on a consumer choice.
However
, it
is argued
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practices of advertising
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
, can be unacceptable and immoral. In my essay I will share my views on the same.

On one hand, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
a huge amount of money spend on publicity. The marketing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
is a gimmick, as it encourages
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
they may not need or cannot afford. Children and young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in particular
are influenced
by adverts showing the latest toys, clothing or music and this can put enormous pressure on the parents to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
in order to gain more publicity the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
portray a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
image.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sports stars promote high content of sugar drinks which can be detrimental for health.

In addition
, the advertising of tobacco
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and alcohol has long been a controversial issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
cigarette adverts have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
recently
been banned
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. It is quite possible that alcohol adverts encourage excessive consumption and underage drinking,
yet
restrictions have not
been placed
on this type of advertising
in the same way
as smoking. This kind of advertising has an adverse effect on a
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "persons'" or "person's"?
persons
health.

In conclusion
, It is
certainly
true, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
constantly
being encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
or services that might be too expensive, unnecessary or even unhealthy.
However
, aspects of advertising do appear to be
morally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and are not acceptable in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO18 Students are more influenced by their teachers than by their friends. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
260 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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