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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support v.353

It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support v. 353
In recent years, the use of imprisonment as a response to crime and violence has risen steadily across the globe. More than 10 million people around the world are currently behind bars. As our social systems are being reshaped by Globalization, it is time to consider, whether our current approach to prison and punishment is keeping us safe. By this essay we can discuss some problems and can try to find out some solutions for the current confinement system. First of all, one major consideration is whether lockups are effective or not achieving their stated objective of keeping the society safe. Nowadays, most of the prisoners are finding the imprisonment as a place to relax, more than a forfeiture. For example, there was a news about a person in India tried to sell cocaine publicly as he wanted to undergo judicial sentencing and thereby get into the jail. Later the reason came to light that the person found jail as a place with all the amenities like food, shelter, and medical without any expenditure. Present detention provides luxury more than a trail for the committed crime. As a result, there are more chances that the convicted criminals will repeat the atrocity to return soon after they been released. Overcrowding is a key concern in almost all prison systems worldwide, while punitive criminal policies, as well as a shortage of social protection services in the community, continue to contribute to the rapid growth of the guardhouse population in many countries As a solution for the re-committing misconducts, before arresting and prosecuting violent perpetrators, the officials should analyse - what caused the act of violence, how they can reduce the associated risks, and what best practice approaches would prevent future offences. Should provide basic necessities in the prison. Localised, person-centred services would tackle the root causes of offending with the real solutions, considerably reducing misdeeds and improving safety for everyone. For instance, some countries have tried to reduce prisoner numbers by using electronic tagging, monitoring and restricting offenders’ geographic and temporal movements. For example, in Singapore, if you commit a violation of the rules, offenders will be charged with a fine, instead of incarcerating offenders. Thereby, the authorities can avoid over-crowding of jails and can sentence criminals in accordance with the depth of case. To wind up, our prisons and the way we approach punishments should have to change. By updating our global approach to tackling crime, we have a unique opportunity to make our world a safer and a better place for all of us.
In recent years, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of imprisonment as a response to crime and violence has risen
steadily
across the globe. More than 10 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around the world are
currently
behind bars. As our social systems are
being reshaped
by Globalization, it is time to consider, whether our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
and punishment is keeping us safe. By this essay we can discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems and can try to find out
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
confinement system.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, one major consideration is whether lockups are effective or not achieving their stated objective of keeping the society safe. Nowadays, most of the prisoners are finding the imprisonment as a place to relax, more than a forfeiture.
For example
, there was
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "news".
a news
about a person in India tried to sell cocaine
publicly
as he wanted to undergo judicial sentencing and thereby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the jail. Later the reason came to light that the person found jail as a place with all the amenities like food, shelter, and medical without any expenditure. Present detention provides luxury more than a trail for the committed crime.
As a result
, there are more chances that the convicted criminals will repeat the atrocity to return
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
after they
been released
. Overcrowding is a key concern in almost all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
systems worldwide, while punitive criminal policies,
as well
as a shortage of social protection services in the community, continue to contribute to the rapid growth of the guardhouse population in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries

As a solution for the re-committing misconducts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
arresting and prosecuting violent perpetrators, the officials should
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
what caused the act of violence, how they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the associated
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, and what best practice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approaches
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
future
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
. Should provide
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
.
Possible spelling mistake. 'Localised' is British English.
Localised
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
person-centred
services would tackle the root causes of offending with the real solutions,
considerably
reducing misdeeds and improving safety for everyone.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have tried to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
prisoner numbers by using electronic tagging, monitoring and restricting offenders’ geographic and temporal movements.
For example
, in Singapore, if you commit a violation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
, offenders will
be charged
with a fine,
instead
of incarcerating offenders. Thereby, the authorities can avoid over-crowding of jails and can sentence criminals in accordance with the depth of case.

To wind up, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and the way we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
punishments should
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
. By updating our global
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
approach
to tackling crime, we have a unique opportunity to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
our world a safer and a better place for all of us.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support v. 353

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
424 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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