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TPO1-2: Some people believe that television has had a positive influence on society. Others believe it has had a negative influence on society. Which do you agree with and why? Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v.1

TPO1-2: Some people believe that television has had a positive influence on society. Others believe it has had a negative influence on society. Which do you agree with and why? Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v. 1
Violence is not a solution of any problem. Promoting it on media increases violent instances in the community. This essay points out why I completely agree with this statement. Firstly, visual medium is the fastest way to learn. Humans tend to follow what they see. People are surrounded by the news. If majority of news sources cover violent acts of people, the viewers are bound to repeat those ill acts. Most of us hold grudges against someone or the other. When one sees a violent activity, they feel that this can make the situation better for themselves. But what they fail to see is the consequence of the step taken. This after effects are not shown by the media. Secondly, the unawareness of the law instigates ill-literate people to perform physical abuse. Literacy makes one aware of the results of committing a crime and hence might not attempt it. On the contrary, ill-literate people often commit crimes without the knowledge of the legalities involved. In a recent survey carried out across the seven central prisons in the country, it was discovered that 92% of criminals were not educated, and 80% of them confessed of news being a major driving force to commit crime. Lastly, media houses nowadays want to earn heavily rather than enlighten the masses. It is known fact that, people love to hear negatives as compared to positives pertaining to any person, an organization or a country. A news channel thrives on this fact to earn profits. Ideally, there should be a balance between good and bad news. To add to this, any bad news should be supported by the results that are outcomes of the act. For example, if there is a robbery video telecasted on a TV channel, they must even show what kind of punishment will the robbers get when caught. This will cut down, if not all, a few incidents. To conclude, I am in total agreement with the statement and strongly believe that news channels are indirectly culpable for the crimes anywhere in the world.
Violence is not a solution of any problem. Promoting it on media increases violent instances in the community. This essay points out why I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

Firstly
, visual medium is the fastest way to learn. Humans tend to follow what they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are surrounded
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. If
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
sources cover violent acts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, the viewers
are bound
to repeat those ill acts. Most of us hold grudges against someone or the other. When one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sees
a violent activity, they feel that this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the situation better for themselves.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
what they fail to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
is the consequence of the step taken. This after effects are not shown by the media.

Secondly
, the unawareness of the law instigates ill-literate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to perform physical abuse. Literacy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one aware of the results of committing a crime and
hence
might not attempt it.
On the contrary
, ill-literate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
commit crimes without the knowledge of the legalities involved. In a recent survey carried out across the seven central prisons in the country, it
was discovered
that 92% of criminals were not educated, and 80% of them confessed of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
being a major driving force to commit crime.

Lastly
, media
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
nowadays want to earn
heavily
rather
than enlighten the masses. It
is known
fact that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to hear negatives as compared to positives pertaining to any person, an organization or a country. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channel thrives on this fact to earn profits.
Ideally
, there should be a balance between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
to this, any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
should
be supported
by the results that are outcomes of the act.
For example
, if there is a robbery video
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "telecast", the past tense form of the verb 'telecast'?
telecasted
on a TV channel, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
what kind of punishment will the robbers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
when caught. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down, if not all, a few incidents.

To conclude
, I am in total agreement with the statement and
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels are
indirectly
culpable for the crimes anywhere in the world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TPO1-2: Some people believe that television has had a positive influence on society. Others believe it has had a negative influence on society. Which do you agree with and why? Use details and examples to explain your opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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