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TPO26-Do you or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents' jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their their parents' jobs. v.2

TPO26-Do you or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents' jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their their parents' jobs. v. 2
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of job and choosing suitable job. Some people may hold the opinion that choosing jobs with more similarities to their parents is better for children. But others have a negative attitude. As far as I am concerned, obviously, finding jobs as our parents have many advantages that we cannot neglect them. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints. First let us look at what a person can typically gain from a job. Needless to say, money is the most important goal of a good job. It goes without saying that, if you have more experiences in your career, you can save more money because people always need you for their works. By way of illustration, my father is chemistry teacher and I continue his way and become chemistry teacher too. Thus, using his experiences in teaching chemistry brings good opportunity for me to becomes the best tutor for chemsitry in our town. There is also a more subtle point we must consider. Making mistake is very common in all of the jobs and if you choose different job from your parents, your make more blunders during your career. On the other hand, if you have same job with your father or mother, you can predict some mistakes and it is easier for you to avoid more faults. For instance, my cousin works in computer company as my ancle and he learns from his parents many possible errors in programming. So, when he writes a program, the number of errors is considerably fewer than other his colleagues. Finally, I cannot oversee the fact that engaging in similar job to our parents also means having more advice for progressing in our work. To shed more light on the issue according the result of the study done in Chamran University, the employees who use helpful advices from their family especially their parents experience better development in their jobs. Taking on eperson who wants to running new business for example, if he continues his parents business by up-to-dates it, making progrees is more possible rather than he initiates new business. Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always some expections which are excluded from the general rule, I do agree that the merits of having similar job with our parents is much more than its demerits.
Nowadays, no one can deny the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and choosing suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may hold the opinion that choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
with more similarities to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is better for children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
others have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
attitude. As far as I
am concerned
,
obviously
, finding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
as our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages that we cannot neglect them. My reasons and samples listed below will demonstrate my point according to the most common viewpoints.

First
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us look at what a person can
typically
gain from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Needless to say, money is the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
goal of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. It goes without saying that, if you have more experiences in your career, you can save more money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
always need you for their works. By way of illustration, my father is chemistry teacher and I continue his way and become chemistry teacher too.
Thus
, using his experiences in teaching chemistry brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
opportunity for me to becomes the best tutor for
Possible spelling mistake found.
chemsitry
in our town.

There is
also
a more subtle point we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
consider. Making mistake is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and if you choose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
from your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
more blunders during your career.
On the other hand
, if you have same
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "jobbed".
job
with your father or mother, you can predict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mistakes and it is easier for you to avoid more faults.
For instance
, my cousin works in computer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
as my
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
ancle and
he learns from his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
possible errors in programming.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, when he writes a program, the number of errors is
considerably
fewer than other his colleagues.

Finally
, I cannot oversee the fact that engaging in similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
also
means having more advice for progressing in our work. To shed more light on the issue according the result of the study done in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Chamran
University, the employees who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
helpful advices from their family
especially
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
experience better development in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
. Taking
Possible spelling mistake found.
on eperson
who wants to
Did you mean "run"?
running
new business
for example
, if he continues his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
business by up-to-dates it, making
Possible spelling mistake found.
progrees
is more possible
rather
than he initiates new business.

Drawing upon the reasons, although there are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Possible spelling mistake found.
expections
which
are excluded
from the general
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the merits of having similar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
is much more than its demerits.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO26-Do you or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents' jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their their parents' jobs. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
398 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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