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TPO26 – Independent: A/D? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parent's jobs than to choose jobs that very different from their parent's job. v.2

TPO26 – Independent: A/D? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parent's jobs than to choose jobs that very different from their parent's job. v. 2
In such a sophisticated world, every child has to choose a suitable job regarding his conditions. In this regard, some people are inclined toward the opinion that children should choose the same job as their parents whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective. The way I see it, children will be successful if they choose a job that they enjoy and is different from their parents' jobs because it can be beneficial for the person and the society. What follows is the elaboration of my viewpoint. Every job requires special personality. Regarding the fact that different people with diverse characteristics - including emotional, calm, introverted, extroverted, social, and the like - can cope with specific tasks, children may not be able to do their parents' occupation. Take a child whose mother is a surgeon, for instance. This child is afraid of seeing blood so if his mother encourages him to become a doctor, he will never be a successful and good doctor. Another important aspect that choosing a favorite job influences on is that the child can always use his initiative. When children opt a similar occupation to their parents, the parents always step in and exhort children to act the same. For example, my friend is a teacher the same as her father. Although my friend believes that rewards are more effective than punishments, her father incites her to punish the students to make them study their lessons. She says that she has lost her creativity since she has selected her father' s job. Besides the aforementioned benefits of opting the interested occupation for people' s lives, it should be noted that the society needs particular jobs to develop in each step. Regarding to the history of developed countries, different job positions are required for the countries to improve their social, political and economic conditions. For instance, a job position such as a simple labor is less required compared to a knowledgeable worker in an industrialized country. Considering the effects of personally selected job on the person' s life and the society, it is obvious that children should choose their desired job even different from their parents' job. In fact, children become more creative, work based on their attribute, and are guided into a effective job for the society.
In such a sophisticated world, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
regarding his conditions. In this regard,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
toward the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
whereas others hold exactly the opposite perspective. The way I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
it,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be successful if they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
that they enjoy and is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it can be beneficial for the person and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. What follows is the elaboration of my viewpoint.

Every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
requires special personality. Regarding the fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with diverse characteristics
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
including emotional, calm, introverted, extroverted, social, and the like
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
can cope with specific tasks,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may not be able to do their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; occupation. Take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
whose mother is a surgeon,
for instance
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
is afraid of seeing blood
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if his mother encourages him to become a doctor, he will never be a successful and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
doctor.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect that choosing a favorite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
influences on is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
can always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
his initiative. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
opt a similar occupation to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
always step in and exhort
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to act the same.
For example
, my friend is a teacher the same as her father. Although my friend believes that rewards are more effective than punishments, her father incites her to punish the students to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them study their lessons. She says that she has lost her creativity since she has selected her
Possible spelling mistake found.
father&
#039; s job.

Besides
the aforementioned benefits of opting the interested occupation for
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
, it should
be noted
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
needs particular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
to develop in each step.
The phrase 'Regarding to' is not correct. Use "Regarding" or "regard to".
Regarding to
the history of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
positions
are required
for the countries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their social, political and economic conditions.
For instance
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
position such as a simple labor is less required
"required compared" is only accepted in certain dialects. For something more widely acceptable, try "comparing" or "to be compared".
compared
to a knowledgeable worker in an industrialized country.

Considering the effects of
personally
selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
person&
#039; s life and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, it is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choose
their desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
from their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. In fact,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
become more creative, work based on their attribute, and
are guided
into
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay TPO26 – Independent: A/D? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parent's jobs than to choose jobs that very different from their parent's job. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
380 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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