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It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parent s jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parent s job v.1

It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parent s jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parent s job v. 1
How much time an individual must spend on a particular type of job assignment has somewhat become debatable now a days. While there are some people who continue enjoying their existing roles and do not desire change, there are some people who welcome new challenges. This essay will discuss in detail both views. Some people like to spend majority part of their careers performing jobs of a similar nature. The fundamental reason behind this is job security. By doing a similar kind of work for a relatively long period of time, these people tend to attain a certain level of command in what they do and really enjoy the sense of control over their work. This seemingly also leads to increased levels of job security. For instance, a research conducted by a group of students in 2013 found out that the generation termed as baby boomers (I. e. People born between 1949 and 1969) are less likely to pursue assignments that offer additional opportunities for growth. Even though, such people are able to retain their jobs, they do not progress much when compared to their peers. In contrast, some individuals do not enjoy monotonous work routines and are on an active look out to diversify their work experience. A lot of these people are very ambitious in nature and believe that the most effective way to climb up the corporate ladder is to keep improvising and continually learning new skills. Hence, such people keep on exploring new opportunities throughout their careers. In conclusion, while some people prefer to stay in the same kind of jobs for their entire career at the same time there are also people who think otherwise. They believe that diversification is absolutely essential to ensure career advancement and job nourishment. This essay discussed various reasons why people hold differing points of view.
How much time an individual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend on a particular type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
assignment has somewhat become debatable
Did you mean "nowadays"?
now a days
. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who continue enjoying their existing roles and do not desire
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who welcome new challenges. This essay will discuss in detail both views.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like to spend majority part of their careers performing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
of a similar nature. The fundamental reason behind this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security. By doing a similar kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for a
relatively
long period of time, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to attain a certain level of command in what they do and
really
enjoy the sense of control over their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This
seemingly
also
leads to increased levels of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security.
For instance
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by a group of students in 2013 found out that the generation termed as baby boomers (
There should be no space here: "i.e.".
I. e.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
born between 1949 and 1969) are less likely to pursue assignments that offer additional opportunities for growth.

Even though
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to retain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, they do not progress much when compared to their peers.

In contrast
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals do not enjoy monotonous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
routines and are on an active look out to diversify their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
ambitious in nature and believe that the most effective way to climb up the corporate ladder is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
improvising and
continually
learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
Hence
, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on exploring new opportunities throughout their careers.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to stay in the same kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
for their entire career at the same time there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
otherwise
. They believe that diversification is
absolutely
essential to ensure career advancement and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
nourishment. This essay discussed various reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold differing points of view.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parent s jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parent s job v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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