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Some think most crimes are the result of circumstances e. g. poverty and other social problems. Others believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some think most crimes are the result of circumstances e. g. poverty and other social problems. Others believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. v. 2
Some people think that most offences are caused by negative effects of the environment surrounding them. However, others argue that the bad nature of people is the main reason of most crimes. In my opinion, the society and external factors are the culprit for every offending of criminals. On the one hand, some may argue that offenders have a bad nature and it leads to their actions that harmful to community. This argument could be true to some extent because in criminals researches, some delinquencies confess that they committed crime because they wanted to satisfy themselves by hurting others. In the fact that many offenders are prone to recidivism though they participated in vocational courses and re-educated camp to have another chance in life. Therefore, if only because these criminals are suffering from a difficult condition, they will not commit crimes many times like that. On the other hand, socialists believe that the influences of circumstances have the significant role in offences. People who experimented poverty or the bad educational environment can more easily get social or psychological trouble which is responsible for most crime such as shoplifting, bank robbery, burglary… For example, criminal reports in 2018 pointed that over 30% of criminal cases were caused by people who have childhood violence or are affected by psychological shock and over 40% of the remaining cases are the result of efforts to solve life’s demands. Besides, many juvenile delinquencies confessed that they are under pressure from peers to reap applause and prove individualism or even they only imitate actions of characters in hero films and series on TV. Taking all of this into account, individual nature and consciousness is an element of crime. However, the most crimes are the consequence accumulated by negative effect from social problems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that most
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects of the environment surrounding them.
However
, others argue that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is the main reason of most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. In my opinion, the society and external factors are the culprit for every offending of criminals.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
may argue that offenders have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
nature and it leads to their actions that harmful to community. This argument could be true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
researches,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
delinquencies confess that they committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they wanted to satisfy themselves by hurting others. In the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offenders are prone to recidivism though they participated in vocational courses and re-educated camp to have another chance in life.
Therefore
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
are suffering from a difficult condition, they will not commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
times like that.

On the other hand
, socialists believe that the influences of circumstances have the significant role in
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
who experimented poverty or the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
educational environment can more
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
social or psychological trouble which is responsible for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
such as shoplifting, bank robbery, burglary…
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
reports in 2018 pointed that over 30% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
cases
were caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have childhood violence or are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by psychological shock and over 40% of the remaining cases are the result of efforts to solve life’s demands.
Besides
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
juvenile delinquencies confessed that they are under pressure from peers to reap applause and prove individualism or even they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
imitate actions of characters in hero films and series on TV.

Taking all of this into account, individual nature and consciousness is an element of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
However
, the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
are the consequence accumulated by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect from social problems.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some think most crimes are the result of circumstances e. g. poverty and other social problems. Others believe that most crime is caused by people who are bad by nature. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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