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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support v.813

It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support v. 813
Children have many ambitions for their future. Selecting their future job is among their main dilemmas. When they become younger, they have two different choices. They can select jobs that are similar to their parent' s job, or choose a completely different career. As far as I am concerned, it is better for them to continue their ancestral vocation, because of the following reasons. First of all, children have more experiences about their parent' s job. Most of the children are peculiar. They always ask different questions about multiple subjects, and their father' s or mother' s job is among their favorite questions. They usually think about that and consider themselves as a worker in that career. They even may have conversations with illusive characters related to that occupation. On the other hand, some kids are not so interesting in thinking about their parents’ job. However, they hear many conversations about that, even if they do not want to. For instance, when the father encounters a problem in his career, he consults with his wife. His wife may provide some solutions to the problem. As a result, children will be familiar with those matters, even though they are not attracted by them. These interactions provide children with precious information about their parent' s job which may be very useful in the future. Secondly, if children choose their parents' job, they can borrow some staffs and facilities from their parents. For example, my father is a book seller. When my younger brother started his own bookstore, my father gave him some shelves and books to start with. That was very useful for my brother, because he had not enough investment to buy variety of stuffs. However, when I started my work in a drugstore, none of my parents could help me with matters I needed. That forced me to mortgage my home to overcome the financial problems. Finally, sometimes children can take advantage of their parents' popularity, especially in little towns. In tiny towns, most of the people know each other and know their abilities. Therefore, if a child starts to continue his parents' career, people consider them as a person who has all the abilities which their parents had. For example, if a father is a good mechanic in an specific area, his son will also considered as a good mechanic, whether he has his father' s abilities or not. This advantage has a huge impact on children' s career. To sum up, it is better for children to continue their parents' job, because they are prepared for that career from their childhood. Furthermore, they can use the same facilities as their parents and can earn more reputation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ambitions for their future. Selecting their future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is among their main dilemmas. When they become younger, they have two
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
choices. They can select
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
that are similar to their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, or choose a completely
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
. As far as I
am concerned
, it is better for them to continue their ancestral vocation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have more experiences about their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are peculiar. They always ask
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
questions about multiple subjects, and their
Possible spelling mistake found.
father&
#039; s or
Possible spelling mistake found.
mother&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is among their favorite questions. They
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about that and consider themselves as a worker in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
even may have conversations with illusive characters related to that occupation.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
kids are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
interesting in thinking about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
However
, they hear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conversations about that, even if they do not want to.
For instance
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
encounters a problem in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
, he consults with his wife. His wife may provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to the problem.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be familiar with those matters,
even though
they are not attracted by them. These interactions provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
with precious information about their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parent&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
which may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful in the future.

Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
choose their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, they can borrow
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
staffs and facilities from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
For example
, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is a book seller. When my younger brother
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
bookstore, my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
gave him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
shelves and books to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with. That was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for my brother,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he had not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
investment to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
variety of stuffs.
However
, when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
my work in a drugstore, none of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
me with matters I needed. That forced me to mortgage my home to overcome the financial problems.

Finally
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can take advantage of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039; popularity,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
towns. In tiny towns, most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
know each other and know their abilities.
Therefore
, if a child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
to continue his
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
consider them as a person who has all the abilities which their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had.
For example
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
father
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mechanic in
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
specific area, his son will
also
The verb 'will' requires the base form of the verb: "consider"
considered
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
mechanic, whether he has his
Possible spelling mistake found.
father&
#039; s abilities or not. This advantage has a huge impact on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s career.

To sum up, it is better for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to continue their
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
are prepared
for that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
from their childhood.
Furthermore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the same facilities as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and can earn more reputation.
17Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
15Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay It is better for children to choose jobs that are similar to their parents’ jobs than to choose jobs that are very different from their parents’ jobs. Use specific reasons and examples to support v. 813

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
448 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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