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TPO25 – Q2: Some people do not enjoy shopping and shop only when they have a specific purchase to make. Others like to go shopping for pleasure whether or not they have something to buy. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

TPO25 – Q2: Some people do not enjoy shopping and shop only when they have a specific purchase to make. Others like to go shopping for pleasure whether or not they have something to buy. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
It is believed that only governments are capable of solving environmental problems. While I accept that this may suit many people, I believe that it requires everyone, governments, and citizens, to join hands in order to protect the environment. On the one hand, there are some problems which only the politicians have the power to tackle. First of all, governments can pass laws against damaging the environment. For example, without the laws, animal poaching and cutting down the forests would become so common, and sooner or later, the environment will be ruined and the biodiversity will be destroyed. Secondly, governments around the world can join forces to solve environmental problems. Finding an effective measurement for these problems might require some advanced technology, an abundant amount of money and resources, and only the governments can provide them. On the other hand, citizens also play a crucial role in protecting the environment. When each individual takes some simple actions every day, it will have a significant impact on saving the nature. These actions include reducing the consumption of energy or the usage of plastic items such as plastic bags or plastic bottles. Not only recycling, but changing people’s means of transport could also be very important. By switching to public transport, citizens might help to reduce the amount of greenhouse gas emissions and prevent air pollution. In conclusion, I believe that not only the governments but also each individual should contribute to the protection of the environment.
It
is believed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are capable of solving environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. While I accept that this may suit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, I believe that it requires everyone,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, and citizens, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
hands in order to protect the environment.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the politicians have the power to tackle.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can pass laws against damaging the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
For example
, without the laws, animal poaching and cutting down the forests would become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
common, and sooner or later, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
will
be ruined
and the biodiversity will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
around the world can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
forces
Did you mean "solving"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'force' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to solve
environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. Finding an effective measurement for these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
might require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advanced technology, an abundant amount of money and resources, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
can provide them.

On the other hand
, citizens
also
play a crucial role in protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
. When each individual takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
simple actions every day, it will have a significant impact on saving the nature. These actions include reducing the consumption of energy or the usage of plastic items such as plastic bags or plastic bottles. Not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
recycling,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
changing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s means of transport could
also
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
. By switching to public transport, citizens might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the amount of greenhouse gas emissions and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
air pollution.

In conclusion
, I believe that not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
only
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
each individual should contribute to the protection of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environment
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO25 – Q2: Some people do not enjoy shopping and shop only when they have a specific purchase to make. Others like to go shopping for pleasure whether or not they have something to buy. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
245 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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