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TPO25-2: Some people do not enjoy shopping and shop only when they have a specific purchase to make. Others like to go shopping for pleasure whether or not they have something to buy. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

TPO25-2: Some people do not enjoy shopping and shop only when they have a specific purchase to make. Others like to go shopping for pleasure whether or not they have something to buy. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
In recent times, the rising number of younger in some countries caused a lot of debates with its drawbacks and merits. In my opinion, for several reasons, the advantages of a young culture outweigh the disadvantage ones. It is obvious that there are some drawbacks that countries which having a younger society have to face. Firstly, the rising number of youngsters may cause the risk of sharp society growth. It means that government has to take potential steps to tackle the increasing birth rate and control more in the state rises. Secondly, the high portion of working population may increase the risk of unemployment rate. Young adults have to high competition in the labour market with higher requirements, also it is a real danger to the health of the unemployment insurance budget. On the contrary, there are also various benefits of this tendency that people can gain from them. The first merit of youngsters which should be added is that they boosted up the economic developments of countries. Because working population is the main workforce who earn money and be responsible for the development of that country. Moreover, they reduce burdens on the health care system of countries. We can consider the pandemic Covic - 19 recently as an example of the loss of old countries when facing with the high death rate compared to younger ones. Last but not least, the high productive age in the countries would be a main factor which attracts international enterprise and could get more investment as a charming labour market. Drawing to a conclusion, the younger population would bring back more merits than disadvantages which can develop that country in term of several perspectives.
In recent times, the rising number of
younger
in
some
countries
caused
a lot of
debates with its drawbacks and merits. In my opinion, for several reasons, the advantages of a young culture outweigh the disadvantage ones.

It is obvious that there are
some
drawbacks that
countries
which having a
younger
society
have to
face.
Firstly
, the rising number of youngsters may cause the
risk
of sharp society growth. It means that
government
has to
take potential steps to tackle the increasing birth rate and control more in the state rises.
Secondly
, the
high
portion of working population may increase the
risk
of unemployment rate. Young adults
have to
high
competition in the
labour
market with higher requirements,
also
it is a real
danger
to the health of the unemployment insurance budget.

On the contrary
, there are
also
various benefits of this tendency that
people
can gain from them. The
first
merit of youngsters which should be
added
is that they boosted up the economic developments of
countries
.
Because
working population is the main workforce who earn money and be responsible for the development of that
country
.
Moreover
, they
reduce
burdens on the health care system of
countries
. We can consider the pandemic
Covic
-
19 recently as an example of the loss of
old
countries
when facing with the
high
death rate compared to
younger
ones. Last
but
not least, the
high
productive age in the
countries
would be a main factor which attracts international enterprise and could
get
more investment as a charming
labour
market.

Drawing to a conclusion, the
younger
population would bring back more merits than disadvantages which can develop that
country
in term of several perspectives.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay TPO25-2: Some people do not enjoy shopping and shop only when they have a specific purchase to make. Others like to go shopping for pleasure whether or not they have something to buy. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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