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Some people do not enjoy shopping and shop only when they have a specific purchase to make. Others like to go shopping for pleasure whether or not they have something to buy. Which do you prefer and why? v.1

Some people do not enjoy shopping and shop only when they have a specific purchase to make. Others like to go shopping for pleasure whether or not they have something to buy. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1
Participating in a fun task with a boy will help them to enhance their attributes and thought process than from reading. I agree with the statement because doing any form of activity will make children to think out of the box, skills cannot be obtained without putting them into practice, kids can learn how to handle different scenarios from the adults. Firstly, Young children from age 8-12 have a different thinking process than adults, for example: when I was a kid, I used to play blocks with my parents, I remember I make different combinations and shapes every time. Secondly, a skill can be never obtained without experiencing them. For instance: skills like swimming, dancing or singing these cannot be accomplished unless you practice them. According the Gartner report, 75% of the children are able to successfully learn a different skill set by age 18. Finally, when adults spend time with the kids in a fun activity activity, it gives them an opportunity for the individuals not only to learn from the adults but also try to follow them. Example when I was a kid, I learned certain tricks and tips from family on how to make a good cake and cookies, I used to see how my parents were doing and I follow the exact same procedure to make one. Having said that, not every skill can be gained through an activity. There are certain skills that can be absorbed by reading other experiences and stories. For example: survival skill this is something that you cannot achieve by doing regularly, but instead reading from other peoples' stories will give them an idea to prepare. To conclude, working with a kid in an exciting activity will develop their skills and creativity than reading.
Participating in a fun task with a boy will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to enhance their attributes and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
process than from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
doing any form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
children to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
out of the box,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
cannot
be obtained
without putting them into practice,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
can learn how to handle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
scenarios from the adults.

Firstly
, Young children from age 8-12 have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
thinking process than adults,
for example
: when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to play blocks with my parents, I remember I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
combinations and shapes every time.

Secondly
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
can be never obtained without experiencing them.
For instance
:
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
like swimming, dancing or singing these cannot
be accomplished
unless you practice them.
It appears that a preposition is missing after 'According'.
According the
Gartner report, 75% of the children are able to
successfully
learn a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
set by age 18.

Finally
, when adults spend time with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
in a fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
, it gives them an opportunity for the individuals not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to learn from the adults
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
try to follow them. Example when I was a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
, I learned certain tricks and tips from family on how to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
cake and cookies, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
how my parents were doing and I follow the exact same procedure to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
one.

Having said that, not every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
can
be gained
through an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
. There are certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
that can
be absorbed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
other experiences and stories.
For example
: survival
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
this is something that you cannot achieve by doing
regularly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
instead
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
from other peoples' stories will give them an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to prepare.

To conclude
, working with a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kid
in an exciting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
will develop their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and creativity than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Some people do not enjoy shopping and shop only when they have a specific purchase to make. Others like to go shopping for pleasure whether or not they have something to buy. Which do you prefer and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
293 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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